How to Help Your Team Without Alienating Them

Last week, I shared how people who have Quality Time as their primary language of appreciation want to feel valued for the work they do. And the way they feel that is when you as their manager or their colleagues spend time with them.

Today we’re going to talk about Acts of Service. Our culture looks favorably on those who pitch in to help with charities or politics or other social service projects. But in the context of the workplace, history has proven otherwise. A few decades ago, people had definitive roles and responsibilities and there wasn’t much emphasis on teamwork.

While this is still the case in many companies, more and more importance is placed on creating a collaborative environment, which is highly valued among millennials. Research has shown that teams working together to complete a project leads to more successful organizations.

I often see this scenario in my consulting practice:

You are a supervisor who believes that good leadership is “telling people what to do”. Or you have someone on your team who takes a more individualistic approach and thinks “everyone should be able to do their job. If they can’t handle it, too bad.”

This kind of culture isn’t one that encourages growth and achievement. When there’s as project to be completed and the person in charge of it is running behind – regardless of why – if their primary language of appreciation is Acts of Service, when someone asks, “Is there something I can do to help?”, it is extremely encouraging and creates an environment of collaboration.

So, how do we do this in the most effective way and without stepping on anyone’s toes?

How to Serve Effectively:

1. Make sure your own responsibilities are completed before volunteering to help others. In today’s workplace world, most jobs are interrelated so if you fall short on what you’re doing to help someone else, it affects the entire team. Make sure you have your ducks-in-a-row before jumping in to help another.
2. Ask before you help. Make sure you ask if they’d like help before you jump in to do it. Most people – even if they have this as their primary language – will say ‘no’ at first, so be sure to press on a little more. “Really, I’ve had some time open up in my afternoon. Is there something I could do to help a little?” Most often, they’ll take you up on your offer.
3. Don’t assume you know what help they want or need. Have you ever passed a co-worker’s desk and thought, “I could get that mess cleaned up in 10 minutes or less. Then he’ll be able to get his project done on time”? While on the surface it might look like that is exactly what needs to be done to help your colleague. The reality might be very different. He might need to send a couple of difficult emails and would love some help on crafting the right verbiage. If you jump in to organize, he’s not going to “feel the love.”
4. If you are going to help, do it their way. OK – full disclosure. I’m a recovering perfectionist and I used to decline help all the time. My favorite story I told myself was, “It’s just easier if I do it myself. Then I know it will be done right.” Sound familiar? So, when offering to help, use the phrase, “How would you like me to do this?” It’s a great way to start.
5. Serve voluntarily. For an act of service to be effective and encouraging to a colleague, it must be voluntary rather than done under pressure from a supervisor. Having the manager ask a coworker to help out, gives that coworker the option of agreeing or declining based on her own workload.
6. Check your attitude. Getting help from someone who makes it clear they don’t want to be helping is discouraging at best. If you choose to help, make sure you plant an authentic smile on your face.
7. Complete what you start. There’s nothing worse than getting excited about getting the help you desperately need and then being informed that the work can’t be completed. If you’re going to volunteer to help and you have any time constraints, please make those clear prior to taking on the task. That way if the amount of time you have isn’t enough to complete the task, it won’t be a surprise.

I’ve got so much more I can share with you on this topic – like the 3 key questions you can ask for your specific situation – so feel free to schedule a call with me to continue this conversation.

As a certified facilitator for the Motivating by Appreciation program, I help teams and organizations navigate the world of appreciation by offering assessments to determine which language each person values and how teams can implement the program to create a culture of increased engagement and collaboration.

If you would like to hear more about this or other programs I offer, please reach out to me and we’ll connect.

Next week we’ll look at the language of Tangible Gifts.