One Thing Every Girl Needs to Know

Every once in a while I experience something that I am not prepared for – completely takes me by surprise and it happened a couple of weeks ago while I was leading a couple of workshops at Microsoft. I was asked to speak again this year at their DigiGirlz Day – a worldwide event they put on to promote careers in the tech field and host high school students for a day of learning and networking. I was super excited that they wanted me to teach my “Do You Hear Voices?” workshop again this year. It’s all about introducing these young women to their Inner Critic voice – why it’s there, how to recognize it and what to do about it.

What came next had some chaperones in tears.

I created an exercise where the girls wrote down one thought they have about themselves – a negative one – that keeps coming back again and again. They wrote it down on a note card and turned it over, keeping it for later. Next I asked if anyone wanted to share what they had written. Now keep in mind, these are teenage girls who don’t know each other, just want to fade into the background and certainly don’t want any kind of attention placed on them.

Or so I thought.

Hands raised and they were willing – and very courageous – to share their thoughts.

“I’m not smart enough…”

“I’m not popular enough…”

“I’m not pretty enough…”

“I’m not talented enough…”

“I’m not thin enough…”

“I’m not enough.”

Whoa.

Ouch.

This was not the surprising part for me. I knew that these messages start to invade our brains at a very young age, which is why I am so passionate about teaching this workshop. What was surprising to me was their readiness to talk about it and share their feelings. As I listened to the same old messages that I’ve heard my IC tell me, I watched the women in the room who were either teachers or chaperones and I could see the recognition in their faces, too.

And then I saw tears.

Tears of sadness that these young girls were feeling this way at such an early stage of life; that they would struggle with the same messages and insecurities and that they hadn’t been able to protect them from the pain that they themselves have experienced at the hand of their own IC.
I wanted these girls to realize they weren’t alone, so I shared a story from my high school experience. Then I asked a couple of the parents to share a thought they keep having and how they deal with it.

There was so much sharing in that room – it felt so safe, so special, so sacred.

Toward the end of our class, one girl shared that she didn’t think she was good enough to win her skating competition that was coming up. When I asked if she was a good skater, her answer got stuck in her throat and all she could do was stare at me, tears welling up. She had a friend sitting next to her, who came to her rescue and told everyone what a great skater she was and how she had lots of medals and awards. Even with that proof, the young skater couldn’t speak the words.

At the end of the workshop, I had them take the piece of paper with the negative thought written on it and tear it up into many pieces. Really be dramatic about it.

RIP. IT. UP.

Then they got to throw it away with the intention of letting it go.

It was very powerful to witness.

As I drove home that evening, I thought of that young skater and the pressure she felt to be perfect and wondered how long she’s believed the thought she shared that she’s not good enough.

What does this say about our society and the pressure we put on our young people to perform?

What does this say about where our focus is versus where it needs to be? We place a higher value on what we look like on the outside, than the brilliance and talent we have on the inside.

What does this say about us, that we continue to believe the lies our IC is telling us, week after week, day after day, minute after minute?

We have to start having the conversations with our girls (and boys for that matter. They have the same thoughts as we do.). It has to start with us. No one else will take the initiative and it’s our job as their mothers, grandmothers, mentors, teachers, friends, role models, sisters and aunts to step up and tell them the truth.

The truth that just because they are thinking it, doesn’t make it true.

 

Do you know *one* person who would be truly inspired by reading this article today? Please feel free to forward it to her with my blessing. Just because it’s free doesn’t mean it can’t be a priceless gift of thoughtfulness and love. Your friend is worthy of inspiration and you are worthy of giving it. Honey, that’s how worthiness works.