The 4 Steps of Self-Love
A few mornings ago, as I was washing my face, I looked up into the mirror and did something I never used to be able to do.
I smiled at myself.
It has taken most of my life to get to this point-where I can honestly say I love who I am, warts and all. (I don’t really have any warts – you know what I mean.) It is a feeling that is hard to describe in words, but I will say that it feels so, so good.
The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we’ll ever have and we need to take care of it-really take care of it. How well we do this directly impacts the quality of the relationships we have with others.
What does it really mean to “love yourself’”?
And I guess, even more importantly, how do you get there?
1. Acceptance: When we can be honest with ourselves about our feelings and accept them, we can do the same with other people. When we can honor and accept our wants and needs, we are more able and open to have those wants and needs met. When we can accept our own beliefs and values (not the beliefs of our parents or friends or what we think should be important), we can share that with others-with conviction.
2. Laugh at ourselves: I don’t know about you, but I can take myself too seriously at times – ok, many times. We need to lighten up and learn to have a giggle at ourselves. Once we do, we’ll be able to do it with others. The ability to laugh at oneself or a situation is a priceless quality to possess. It removes the drama.
3. Trust: We need to learn to trust ourselves. By that I mean, listen to our inner wisdom, that voice that is quiet yet strong. Not the loud, demanding, self-righteous one. We are smart, capable women who know deep down what’s best. When we have learned to trust ourselves, we will be trustworthy and ready to trust others.
4. Gratitude: I know you hear me talking about this all the time. It’s that important. We’ve been taught that we’re not enough; not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not creative enough, the list goes on and on, depending on the messages we were taught as kids. So having gratitude for ourselves might be a tall order. I know so many women struggle with body image issues. I made a major shift in mine when I had my breasts removed. I looked in the mirror two days after the surgery, and removed my bandages. My first thought was not about being ugly or scarred. It was about how strong my body was and how courageous my spirit. (that Helen Reddy song, “I AM Woman Hear Me Roar comes to mind). That was a pivotal day in the way I looked at and appreciated my body. H-U-G-E shift.
I think when we can be grateful for who we are, we will have achieved self-love.
This week’s challenge: Every time you pass a mirror (no fair taking them all off your walls!), stop for a few moments, look at yourself-and smile with gratitude. This is gonna feel uncomfortable for the first few times and I invite you to walk through that feeling and do it anyway. Look at the beautiful, smart, funny, creative, loving, generous woman and know she’s everything she is meant to be. AND, you are damn lucky to be her!
Let me know your experience with this exercise by leaving a comment here, on Facebook or Twitter. Can’t wait to celebrate you!