Why I Brought Gummi Boobs to My Mastectomy

Yes, they actually do make gummi candy in the shape of boobs. Of course, they are not sold in your neighborhood candy store. I needed them for the treat bags I gave away at the “Say good-bye to Barb’s boobs” party I was hosting at my friend’s house.  I also have a boob-shaped cake pan and made a cake that bore a remarkable likeness to me if I do say so myself (thank God for pink M&Ms!)

The party was more fun than I ever could have imagined and my friends made me “designer” bras with old ones they had brought with them, feathers, glitter, pearls, rhinestones and a hot glue gun.  I couldn’t believe how creative the finished products were!  Too much fun was had by all!

Now the reason I was hosting this party was not because I had breast cancer. I had decided nine months earlier to have my breasts removed as a result of 20+ years of abnormal mammograms, ultrasounds and biopsies.  I had been poked, prodded, squished, squeezed, sucked, drained, snipped – you name it and I’d had it done. In addition, I had a family history of breast cancer.  The last straw came in March of 2009 when I got a call from the lab saying they needed to see me to biopsy another lump.  A voice inside me said, “I’m done! Take them off. It’s just not worth all of this.” 

I was amazed at how calm I felt.  This voice was strong and firm, but not frightening at all.  I trusted this voice.  I knew it was telling me the right thing to do.  I went to see my OB/GYN and informed him of my decision and he wanted me to see an oncologist he recommended before I took the next steps. I saw her and she confirmed that I was making the right choice.  She referred me to a general surgeon and a plastic surgeon and my meetings with them had the same result – my decision was the right choice. (Lab results came back on the removed tissue and it turned out to really be the right decision!)

I have always been a proactive kind of gal, so this didn’t seem like a big deal to me.

Make a decision; get ‘er done. Move on to the next thing.

My family and friends, however, had other ideas.  Most were supportive, but some were really freaked out that I would dare remove my “healthy” breasts.  I realized that those friends and family who were having the hardest time were struggling with their own feelings and putting their own story on my choice.  Would they still feel like a woman without breasts?  Even as they questioned my decision, I still heard that same voice, clear and strong.

I haven’t always listened to that voice.

It took me years of being used to all the “noise” in my head, not knowing there was an inner voice inside me, before I started to wonder how to make the really tough decisions.  I kept hearing people say that I should listen to that inner voice.  Well, the one I kept hearing was really loud and pretty negative. What I learned was that voice was my ego and it was doing all the “talking”; pointing me in the wrong direction most of the time. 

EGO = Edging God Out

I learned this acronym in the early years of my sobriety and it has stuck with me ever since.  Makes perfect sense that the still voice would be the one to listen to.  It requires that we  be still, go within, and ask for guidance.

“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

Call it God, The Source, The Universe, Spirit, Intuition – understand that we all have it inside of us – the inner wisdom that will guide us to our highest good.

So I’m wondering when you last listened to that still, small voice inside of you?  Would you recognize it if you took the time to hear it? 

I invite you to practice being still for a few minutes a day. Choose a time when you won’t be interrupted (morning is my best time). 

Ask for guidance – then wait, and listen for the answer.

Notice any differences.  Do you feel it in your body? Where? Is your mind slowing down a bit? How are your thoughts changing?

Take time to let Spirit speak to you and listen to what is being said.

Let me know your experiences.
 
p.s. – I gave both my surgeons (women) a package of gummi boobs after my surgery as a “thank you”.  They laughed so hard – it was priceless!  Oh, and btw, the new “girls” are fabulous and right back where they used to be when I was in my 20’s. Bonus!