Episode 41: How To Avoid Holiday Stress & Enjoy Yourself Instead
We’ve just finished Thanksgiving and are now in the throes of the holiday season.
Baking. Shopping. Wrapping. Parties.
While this may sound like fun from the outside, your experience is probably much different.
You put so much pressure on yourself to create the “perfect” holiday for everyone, but what about what you want?
Episode 41 is for you if you’re feeling more frazzled than festive and are looking for tips to avoid holiday stress so you can enjoy yourself instead.
What You’ll Learn:
- A reminder of what the holidays can bring for some folks.
- An eye-opening statistic on women and the holidays.
- An idea from one of my coach/mentors I just may use next year.
- 4 ways to ensure you have a holiday that’s less stressful and more serene.
- BONUS-THE best gift to put on your list for YOU.
Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:
Want to know how to take your festive self into the new year and keep it going? Schedule a Discovery Call with me today and we’ll talk about how to put you back on your priority list for 2023.
Episode 41: How To Avoid Holiday Stress & Enjoy Yourself Instead (Transcript)
Hey Hey! What is going on in your world?
I hope you had a good Thanksgiving for those of you who live in the US.
We ate leftovers for days. I don’t know what it is about making this meal, but I just can’t seem to make a small amount of mashed potatoes or stuffing, or gravy or pies.
Come to think of it – I never make a small amount of anything when I cook. My kid’s joke that at our house it’s always the “miracle of loaves and fishes” because there’s a never-ending supply of food at any meal.
What can I say? I like people to have what they like and I also like sending each kid home with leftovers so they can have that the day after.
During all the fun – there was a little sadness, too, because I was missing those that used to be at my table. Holidays are a mixed bag for most people, but you’d never know it based on all the commercials you see on TV.
Everyone is so happy doing their shopping – no crowds or crazy lines. Women are baking cookies with their kids – the scenes are sheer perfection.
Aiming For Perfection During The Holidays is Not The Goal
Trying to emulate this sets you up for a big dose of stress and frustration.
I used to think that my holidays had to be perfect – oh that Perfection Derailer™ was with me from a very early age.
I’d do all the things – cookies, homemade gifts, parties, shopping for the perfect gift for everyone – even the mail carrier, wrapping, shipping – it was exhausting.
And I didn’t really enjoy the holidays. I was a busy realtor, and mom of 3 small children. I prioritized THEIR holiday experience over my own.
I know I was not alone in that. I recently heard a stat that won’t surprise you:
According to the American Psychological Association,
Only 27% of women reported that they were able to relax during the holidays.
I’d like to know who these women are and if they’re over 18! And – I’d bet it’s lower than that. I’m just sayin’.
If 73% of us are not taking time to take care of ourselves, and are stressed out over the holidays, isn’t it time to rethink how we’re doing them?
I mean, is it any wonder why so many women end the year feeling depleted and frazzled – and frankly pissed?
That’s what I’m talking about in today’s episode – going from frazzled to festive, so you can avoid holiday stress and enjoy yourself instead.
How Exactly Do We Avoid Holiday Stress?!
It IS possible – but you’re going to have to commit to making some changes – and some waves.
You’ve heard about the invisible workload, right?
I talked about it in Episode 16.
Well, there’s an invisible holiday workload – did you know that?! And it’s all BS.
One of my favorite Christmas cartoons is “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. I have every word memorized and I love the writing of Dr. Seuss. However, what I love more is the transformation of the Grinch as the story progresses. That’s what I want for you.
I want you to go from feeling exhausted to energized, from overwhelmed to overjoyed. I know it’s possible because I’ve experienced it.
The key is asking yourself… What do you really want this holiday season to look like? And be honest with yourself about it. That’s the only way you’re going to make any significant shifts in how you experience the season.
For example, it’s okay to say you don’t want to host anymore.
One of my coach/mentors decided last year that she wasn’t going to host a big family Thanksgiving, texted her extended family to let them know, and scheduled a trip to Maine BY HERSELF for the long weekend.
And everyone else figured it out. It was brilliant!
I’m not going to lie – I secretly wished I was doing the same thing.
4 Important Tips To Avoid Holidays Stress
I’ve got some tips for you to try this year. The first few are about taking things off your already overflowing plate:
1. Take 50% Off
Each year your to-do list gets bigger and bigger and so does your stress level.
This year make your list, then cut it in half.
- Do you really need to bake 15 different kinds of cookies or would 3 kinds suffice? Or maybe you could order them from a professional baker and skip all the mess. Do you even LIKE baking?
- If you’re still sending out holiday cards and used to spend hours trying to get the kids to smile and the dog to look at the camera at the right time, why not make a quick video and email it to friends and family? Every smartphone has a camera and a personal video from you will mean so much more.
- If you really want to mail cards, why not send New Year’s cards – it will give you an extra month to get them out. That way your card won’t get lost in the barrage of holiday cards that come during the 30 days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’ve been known to send out President’s Day cards in February. You get to make your own rules!
2. Change the Dialogue
While everyone wants a Norman Rockwell family, the reality is that really doesn’t exist. He was a painter in a very different time as is depicted in his paintings. The most famous one is the grandma placing the turkey on the table for the grandkids. Society wants this to be the goal. So unrealistic.
We as women take that on and if we don’t create that or a version of that for our families, we think we’ve failed. NOT TRUE!
Many families have that one relative who can create conflict wherever they go. This year instead of dreading dinner conversation, grab a Chat Pack and pre-select some questions that will fit your group.
Set boundaries around topics of conversation – no politics, no religion for example. Then stick to that. Being prepared makes all the difference.
3. Rethink Gifts
The majority of holiday stress lies in shopping.
Searching for the perfect gift, full parking lots and fighting crowds makes the idea of going to the mall sound worse than a trip to the dentist.
More often than not, you spend more than you intended, and research shows that 28%-33% of gifts are returned.
Change things up by investing your time and money in gifting an experience or giving to a charity of their choice, or having some plain old-fashioned time spent with those on your shopping list.
It could be dinner in their favorite restaurant or a hot air balloon ride or helping an elderly person get rid of items no longer needed or a family experience you’ve been talking about.
People don’t need another sweater or kitchen gadget. Spending time with those you love is the perfect gift. That’s what I usually ask for from my kids. I want an adventure with them that we’ll both remember.
4. What Really Matters?
This should probably be #1 on what to do and is a question I invite you to take time to ponder.
What does this mean to you?
Tune out what social media or retailers or even your friends and family are telling you “should” be important.
Ask yourself what really matters to you and observe your smile to see what truly brings you joy.
Make a list – a No Way list and a Oh YES list for this year.
Think of everything your brain says you “should” do and write it down on the list that matches the reaction your body gave you when you think of it.
Here are some things on my No Way list:
- Shopping for the perfect gift
- Overscheduling my calendar
- Baking for everyone (I tend to do that)
Now here’s what’s on my Oh YES list:
- Take time for some hot tea, a good book, and a warm blanket
- Baking and freezing Xmas cookies ahead of time.
- Scaling back all the little items that I buy to “round out” the gifts. That takes a ton of time to do and I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to “get it right”
Don’t be stingy on these lists either. Make sure you are filling them out completely.
Does it make me happy, bring me joy?
In that lies your answer to what’s important. Focus on that. Make time for that. Put a note in your phone and everywhere in your house to remind you as we get closer and closer to the big day.
Be Present This Holiday Season
Being present – no matter what time of year – is about slowing down, noticing your thoughts and deciding in that moment how you feel.
You get to have the holiday that you want.
You’re made to experience love and pure joy. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, or just like the sparkly colors and decorations that come with this month, decide right now to have a different experience than in past years.
To avoid holiday stress this year…
- Decide that the holiday you want is just as important.
- Check-in with the real you – that inner wise self that knows everything about you – and see what she has to say. She’ll never steer you wrong.
So off you go, make your lists and be sure to put my 2023 Italy Women’s Retreat at the top of your Oh YES list! It truly is the perfect gift for you, so get on the list to be the first to get all the luxurious and festive details.
Until next time, remember:
I believe in you.