Are You Afraid to be Confident?

Confidence.

Everyone wants it. We spend millions on self-help books and programs that promise if we follow their formula, we’ll have all the confidence we want.

Yet millions of people lack confidence.

Or do they?

I’ve noticed a pattern with a few of my private coaching clients that I find fascinating.

I coach successful women in business and if you looked at their list of accomplishments, you’d be very impressed. You’d think they wouldn’t have an ounce of self-doubt and be oozing confidence.

That’s where it gets a bit foggy.

Sometimes staying in the space of self-doubt feels more “comfortable” than moving into self-confidence. It’s what we’re used to feeling and we’re afraid of stepping out and owning our confidence.

We don’t want to appear arrogant, so we hide.

One of my clients has done extremely well both professionally and personally and yet she is plagued with fear and self-doubt around owning her success. In one of our sessions, we discovered that she was still listening to an old childhood message of “don’t get too big for your britches”.  Because she was taught that confidence = bragging, she couldn’t allow herself to own her skills, talents and achievements.

Here’s my PSA:

Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true.

Seriously.

Our confidence doesn’t mean that we are better than someone else. There’s a huge difference between the two.

Being arrogant is not the same as being confident.

Arrogance means, “I’m great and you’re not. I’m better than you.” When you think that, you don’t feel good at all. It’s not in alignment with who you really are.

Confidence is “I’m great and you’re great.” You don’t derive confidence to the detriment of someone. You attain confidence by what you think about yourself. When you think, “I’ve got this”, that’s confidence.

Not bragging.

Not arrogance.

Just owning your skills, abilities and talents.

I wish confidence was taught in our schools. I know I would have been happy to skip my physics class and opt for a class on self-confidence.

Confidence is like a muscle you have to strengthen on a regular basis. That “muscle” resides in your head. It all starts with what you think.

Think of something you do really well – are really confident about. Notice the thoughts you have around that particular thing.

Now, transfer those thoughts to something you feel less confident about. Maybe it’s public speaking or running. When you think the new thoughts on the new topic, how do you feel?

More confident, right?

Keep practicing it – strengthening it – on a regular basis.

Why does confidence even matter? Why is it something we strive for?

Because confidence + dreams create the life you are meant to live.

So stop worrying about what other people will think.

Stop downplaying your skills.

Start owning your gifts and talents.

Give yourself permission to be confident – and show it.

Do you need help finding your confidence? Not sure where to start? I can help! Book your complimentary 30-minute strategy session with me and let’s see if working together is your next right step.