Episode 32: Why You Can’t Do It All
For decades women were told they can have it all. Then in the 70’s that changed to “doing it all” and society bought into the fantasy.
Women everywhere were pushing themselves to do more. They overextended themselves in the name of being seen as successful to the outside world, and if we’re being honest, to themselves.
This episode talks about the myth of doing it all and what you need to think and do instead.
What You’ll Learn:
- How the 70’s changed everything for women.
- An expert’s view of how competence is misunderstood.
- The biggest lie of being a superwoman.
- The recipe for greater success and happiness.
Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:
Don’t burn yourself out. Partnering with me as your coach is THE way to make the shifts you need to take your career and life to the next level. Schedule a Discovery Call with me today and let’s talk about how you can do less and get more.
Episode 32: Why You Can’t Do It All (Transcript)
How are you this week? I am fabulous because as I record this episode, I’m getting ready to go on a retreat to Italy. I’m so freakin’ excited!
I’ll be gone for a week, and I booked this just for me. I don’t know anyone who’s going. I only know the woman hosting it. It is luxury all the way, baby.
I’ve been wanting to do this for years and I decided to invest in myself and go all in.
I’ll be in a part of Italy I’ve not seen before, and I am so looking forward to all the adventures that await me.
In all my excitement I’ve found myself having a few mini freak outs about all that has to get done before I go.
They are mini ones now, not like the big ones I used to have years ago when my kids were small and I would have to travel for work.
I used to believe that I had to do everything
And I do mean e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
- Get myself ready and packed for the trip.
- Get the kids stuff ready for the time I was going to be away.
- Make meals and freeze them so it was easy to have dinners while I was away.
- Write out a “how to” list for the care and keeping of my kids that I thought needed to be spelled out. Same for the dog.
The reality was that my husband didn’t need any of that and they never ate the meals while I was away. They had takeout. So did the dog.
This idea of being superhuman is something that we still struggle with and as women, we are told we need to be in order to be seen as successful.
In her book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Dr. Valerie Young, an authority in all things imposter syndrome, writes of five types of ways this shows up in humans.
She calls one of them Superhuman and describes their view of competence like this:
“Competence rests on the ability to juggle multiple roles masterfully. While you may have perfectionist tendencies, for you competence has as much to do with how many things you can handle as it does how well you do them.”
I remember when this first began to catch on. This idea of being a superwoman.
Our society’s traditional roles of mother and homemaker were extended to adapt to women becoming full-time paid workers.
We went from being told we could “have it all” to being told we now had to “do it all” too.
I remember watching TV and a perfume ad came on that showed a woman in a robe, a suit and a sexy dress telling me that I, too, can do all this and I should WANT to do all this. It mentioned it was the perfume for the “24-hour” woman.
Holy Hannah people! What a message! I don’t want to be a 24-hour woman.
I want to sleep and take vacations and have my own time. But that wasn’t what they were selling.
And women bought into it hook, line and sinker. And men did, too.
Women were expected to be everything to everyone
Sexy for her spouse, nurturing for her kids, a rockstar at work, gourmet cook, avid volunteer – you name it.
What Dr. Young’s book reveals is that those with imposter syndrome took this to an entirely new level and if they couldn’t reach or maintain it, began thinking they were failures.
“If I were really competent, I would be able to do it all.”
This is when we began to overextend our lives.
Now, we go get our masters or PhD degree at night. Our kids are in several after school sports or activities. We work more than the old definition of full-time – 40 hours/week became 50-60 hours.
And this example shows the next generations what being a “successful” woman should look like.
Striving for perfection all the way.
The result?
We have a ton of burned-out women in the workforce blaming themselves for not being able to “do it all” and feeling like they aren’t good enough.
What a load of BS we’ve bought into.
You don’t have to be a Superwoman.
You can honor your desire to be the very best you can on multiple fronts but dump the idea that you have to do it all.
When clients come to work with me, they operate at such a fast pace, it’s difficult for them to slow down to focus on our sessions.
When I tell them I’m going to slow them down, so they can regroup and speed up to a pace of their choosing – they look at me like I have a horn growing out of the middle of my head.
They are so used to feeling guilt and shame for not being able to do more, that they can’t fathom any other way of being.
They want me to tell them what to do so they can be better, get bigger, do more.
My Philosophy To Doing It ALL
I teach my clients to do less.
Say “no” more.
Spend time doing what you enjoy, rather than what they think they should be doing.
We work on scheduling all their vacations, exercise, family stuff, doctor and dentist appointments, time with friends, time to be alone – all that goes on the calendar first.
Then kid activities and work commitments.
My clients become more successful while working fewer hours, doing less, and adding more fun and pleasure into their schedules.
You heard me right.
Fun and pleasure. That’s the recipe for greater success.
It’s amazing to watch burned out women come alive again.
Would you like more of that? Let’s talk, my friend. Schedule a call with me and we’ll talk about how you can become the best version of you – while having a blast at the same time.
Until next time, remember:
I believe in you.