Episode 23: Freedom of Authenticity - Babs Churchill Coaching & Consulting

(This is part 4 of a 4-part series on independence and freedom)

Do you find yourself toning down your personality to blend in?

Maybe you don’t share your true thoughts on a particular topic at work because you fear it may not be well-received.

Are you feeling trapped in the mask you’ve been wearing your whole life?

This week I’m talking about authenticity and how it is the key to feeling true freedom.

What You’ll Learn:

The surprising thing that happened to me while getting my first tattoo.
A new definition of “professional”.
The only time change happens.
Why getting to know the real you – and letting her be seen – is the source of true freedom.

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:

Apple | Spotify | Audible

Before we jump in, I want to give you a heads up on something I’m working on right now. Up until now, the only way to work with me is in my 1:1 private coaching program or if you lead a team and I work with you and your team.

I’m creating an opportunity to work with me in an intimate group that will meet 3 times/month starting this fall – in October. It’s for high-achieving women, focused on their growth and their impact who want to lift other women up as they go. It is a combination of coaching, strategy – business or team or vision, productivity and accountability.

I’m SO excited to offer this because it will give you an opportunity to work with me and meet other women exactly like you in a setting that is confidential, safe, and power-packed. If you want to get on the list to hear more about it, please send me an email at info@barbarachurchill.com – it’s going to be epic!

Episode 23: Freedom of Authenticity (Transcript)

This week is the final episode of a 4-part series on independence and freedom. If you missed Part 1 , Part 2 or Part 3, be sure to go back and listen to them.

All month we’ve been talking about freedom and independence and what that means in certain areas of your life and your work.

And today we’re discussing freedom in terms of authenticity.

Being yourself, truly being yourself. What does that look like to you?

We all go through our daily lives and think that we’re being authentically us and I want to challenge that today.

I want you to ask yourself are you really showing up as you or are you showing up as a watered down version of you?

Or perhaps you’re showing up as a version of yourself that you think you have to be in order to get noticed for a promotion or get that big client or sell your product or service to as many people as possible.

When we do this – water down, diminish or give the world less than what we’re capable of, that is a prison in and of itself.

I will share with you that for most of my life I’ve been told that I was too much.

I talked too much – just ask all of my school teachers because they always had a comment on my report cards. Elementary school, middle school, high school – yes she’s pretty chatty. My husband always teases me that you know if this executive coaching thing doesn’t work out for me I could certainly get a job with QVC.

I was told I was too loud.

I was told I was too dressed up in the clothes that I wore.

I was told that my personality was too big.

As a kid growing up, I certainly took those words to heart and in certain situations toned down how I showed up. In my early 20s and 30s, I tried to fit into what the mold was, keeping parts of myself hidden away.

In order to fit in, in order to get approval, I toned everything down.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Being My Authentic Self

I’ve been on a journey for the last several years to get to know the real me and each year I dive a little deeper and discover things I either forgot about or didn’t know.

So this week I decided to do something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. I got a tattoo.

I have to say it was pretty empowering and a bit emotional for me.

I asked my middle son Zach if he would go with me because the appointment just happened to be the same day as his birthday. I told him if you went with me and held my hand I’d take him to a birthday lunch afterward and he was happy to do so.

I thought I’d be more nervous than I was, and at the same time I was really excited because this felt more like something the real me would do.

I had the word ‘grace’ tattooed on the inside of my left forearm. And I was so surprised by what happened after it was done. I got so emotional. I felt this sense of pride, I was grateful, and I felt real.

It was such a fun experience and I loved that I got to share that with my son. Now he says once you get your first tattoo you’re gonna want to add more. At first, I just chuckled at that, but I found myself that afternoon thinking about other things I’d like to have tattooed to remind me of what’s important to me and who I am.

It’s so funny that I waited so long to get this first tattoo because my human brain made it mean, that others might not perceive me as professional.

Isn’t that fascinating?

What does a tattoo have to do with behaving in a professional manner?

Isn’t that such an outdated definition of being professional?

I know because I work with leaders and some people who have tattoos are looked upon as being unprofessional. So they hide their ink so that they’re not judged for what they have on their skin.

I let my clients who lead teams and hire people to be open to whoever comes into their orbit.

We just don’t know the kind of talent, intelligence, and work ethic that anyone has until they begin working for us right. So why on earth would we limit the pool of possible employees just because of what they have on their skin or if they have piercings that you may not think are attractive or professional but make no difference in who they are as people or how they perform their jobs.

This tattoo was really a freedom thing for me. An authenticity thing for me.

I’m curious what it would be for you.

What Are You Diminishing?

What are you toning down so that others accept you for being more mainstream or they think you’re more acceptable in their world?

This podcast isn’t just about my tattoo.

I have a client who is an entrepreneur.

She owns her own coaching and consulting business and she recently received feedback from a group of leaders and their team that she facilitated a four-day workshop.

They were having culture issues and quite frankly who isn’t in today’s corporate space, and they asked her to come in and address those culture issues.

Now I have experienced this woman’s brilliance and I know based on feedback that she’s received from so many of her clients, that she is masterful as a facilitator and coach.

However, here’s what happened…

She received feedback that her style wasn’t a good fit for the group.

Some said…

She was too direct.
The topic wasn’t pertinent to their group.

While reading some of these comments she was taking them as the truth. Her brain, because she has a human brain, decided to make it mean that those people were right about her skill sets and that her perception of herself was incorrect.

She really was upset about it and this is what I find fascinating.

If you were to meet her you would think she was brilliant. She is stunningly beautiful and commands a room.

You would have no question whether or not she can do her job well. And yet because she has a human brain as we all do, she interpreted all of this feedback as something she needs to change, she needs to tone it down, she needs to dial it back.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

When we shine a light on people’s behaviors and we hold a mirror up, oftentimes they don’t like what they see so they will resist it.

My job as a coach and a facilitator and her job as a coach and a facilitator is not to make people feel very comfortable and sedentary in their habitual behavior.

We are there to…

Challenge you to think differently.
Help you get uncomfortable with the status quo.

Because we never change anything when we are sitting in our comfort zone.

Nothing ever changes when people are comfortable and everything is flowing.

The only time anything changes is when we get uncomfortable.

When the discomfort of staying where we are is worse than the discomfort we anticipate will feel when we make that change.

A Strategy & Freedom To Be Your True Self

Confident business woman with team in background

For my client, I walked her through her thoughts around what their feedback was and reminded her that…

Feedback is someone’s opinion and has nothing to do with her and everything to do with their perception of what’s happening; their experience of what’s happening in that room.

We looked at the feedback from a neutral state because feedback is a circumstance.

We also used a thought model to help us through our thinking and help us decide…

Do we like this thought?

Is it useful or not?

Getting feedback on a workshop is a circumstance. Anything she thought about that feedback is her thinking. And her thinking created feelings that she had of inadequacy, self-doubt, and even a bit of shame.

If my client would have kept those feelings in she would have taken action from that place, because our feelings drive our actions.

She would have…

Changed her presentation,
Revised her notes and her PowerPoint,
Toned down how she shows up in the room,
Changed the clothing she wears.

The outcome of that would be something that is not as effective or as powerful.

So we looked for useful comments. Like the presentation felt a little disconnected. OK, she can go back and look at her presentation to see if those comments are true and if there’s a way for her to create a little bit more cohesiveness in her presentation and her slides.

That’s useful.

Any of the comments about her personality or the way she presented herself are all subjective and have nothing to do with her abilities or talents or skill sets.

This was so helpful for her because she knew she was going down that rabbit hole of self-doubt based on what someone else said about her.

I know you do the same thing.

I forget where I heard this, but I always loved the truth in this very simple sentence.

“Your opinion of me is none of my business.”

Isn’t that just the best line ever?

And it’s so true.

I offer this to you: whatever anyone says about you let it slide off your back like water off a duck. The only opinion that truly matters is your opinion of yourself. Anything else is just noise. And I’m including all the accolades that you get in your job. All the times that people say Oh my God you were fabulous, thank you so much this was great, you’re amazing!

All of that is noise. Because it is based on soothing your ego brain and not that inner knowing, that inner wisdom of who you truly are.

Being Your Authentic Self: Strategies

Try Not To Worry About Other People’s Opinions

Don’t be affected by other people’s words because you will have such a rollercoaster of emotions and thinking.

This will be how you conduct your life. You’ll spend all your time trying to be something or someone just to make other people happy and you will end up being miserable in the process.

Get to know the real you

Grab a journal and start recording your thoughts and feelings. Allow yourself to do things that bring you joy – regardless of what others think about it.

Treat Yourself

Buy that dress that’s over-the-top gorgeous. Who cares if you just wear it to get the mail! You’ll love being in it.

Get that tattoo you’ve always wanted and wear it with pride.

Pair your passion with your opinion and share away on a topic that’s important to you. Who cares if anyone agrees!

Begin Your Journey of Self Discovery

One of the first things I tell my clients when we begin working together is they are beginning the journey of self-discovery that everyone needs, but few take.

They are finding themselves again after a long absence.

You can have this, too. I have a couple of openings in my private coaching practice. It’s time you discover the real you and bring her out to play! The world is waiting. Schedule your complimentary Discovery Call with me today.

It’s time to be you, my friend. Unapologetically.

Until next week, remember: I believe in you!

More Episodes in the Freedom & Independence Series:

You’re a go-getter and know what you want, yet you just can’t seem to get past your self-sabotaging behaviors. I get it. Stop trying to go it alone. It’s time for us to team up. Schedule a Discovery Call with me today and we’ll talk about all the things – and how partnering is THE best decision you’ll ever make!