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Handshake or Hug? What You Need to Know About Workplace Interaction

ByBarbara Churchill

Last week, I shared how people who have Tangible Gifts as their primary language of appreciation need to be given items or experiences they value, rather than a one-size-fits-all gift. In this series, we’ve taken a high-level look at each language and I’ve shown you how implementing appreciation can increase your team’s engagement and retain top talent.

The 5 languages are:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Acts of Service
  • Tangible Gifts
  • Physical Touch

We’re on the last language – Physical Touch – and this one is the most challenging.

While most people prefer recognition in a different form, some on your team may like the occasional high five or pat on the back for a job well done. How do you know when to use physical touch and when not to?

Know your team.

Many people grew up in the sports world where back slaps, high fives and group hugs were the norm for celebration. Others, would rather have root canal than be touched by a co-worker in any way. The key is to know the people on your team and understand what works for them and what doesn’t.  You need to ask them what their comfort level is with physical signs of appreciation. There is an emotional need to be touched – it’s human – and can be deeply encouraging.

Appropriate vs Inappropriate – Know the Difference

Full disclosure – I am a toucher. I love to hug people, touch their arm when I’m in conversation with them. It’s one of the ways I connect with people. Now, not everyone loves that about me, so I’m very aware when I first meet someone to reduce my physicalness with them.

There are socially accepted ways to interact with others in the workplace. Handshake, pat on the back, high fives – all pretty universal in their acceptance. They are ways of communicating openness and social closeness. When you put your hand on someone’s shoulder while telling them they did a great job, if they respond with a “Thanks, I really appreciate that, “you’ll know that both the verbal and physical praise was well-received. These are all called implicit touches.

Explicit touches generally take a bit more thought and time. An extended handshake while giving verbal praise emphasizes your deep appreciation for the person’s efforts. An extended hug, however, is not an acceptable way to show appreciation and may make the recipient feel very uncomfortable.

It’s crucial to remember that the recipient is always the authority on what is acceptable touch.

Since each person is different and may respond differently to physical demonstrations of appreciation, how do you know who will respond positively and who won’t?

Just Ask.

When I meet new people in my work and I’m creating a connection, at some point I will share that I come from a touchy-feely family and realize that not everyone is like me. If that is off-putting to them, I ask them to please let me know, as I value our new relationship. No harm. No foul. It’s just good communication and lets them know I’m self-aware.

When a coworker is in crisis or experiencing a very difficult time, asking if they are comfortable with receiving a hug from you is a great way to show you respect them and the boundary of space. Let them approve it rather than charging in with a bear hug.

Benefits

Research has shown that positive forms of touch in the workplace has been shown to impact supervisor effectiveness in relationships and increase perceived sincerity when apologizing.

There are two primary purposes for physical touch:

  1. Spontaneous Celebration- Most common, this action of “connecting” is typically an expression of excitement and joy. A high five for closing a major deal, a fist bump for solving a problem. You get the idea. These are almost universally accepted forms of celebrating, which is important to know since many teams are multi-cultural.
  2. Communicating care, concern and empathy. Remember, organizations are made up of people and people have lives outside of work. Contrary to what social media would have us believe, not everything is always unicorns and rainbows. Someone will lose a beloved pet. A family member is hospitalized. Your home burns down. These life occurrences will affect us at work and often our first response is to offer some form of physical support. Touch, can, communicate a variety of positive messages in relationships; a sense of trust, connectedness and caring.

Now, I know what you might be thinking – this is all very nice, but my team isn’t about fluff. We need to be more productive.

Let me share some stats on the impact of not implementing an appreciation program in the workplace:

  • 88% of employees leave their jobs for reasons other than money and one of the most cited reasons is not feeling valued or trusted.
  • Business groups with more disengaged employees have 51% more turnover than business units with more engaged workers.
  • The cost of replacing an entry-level employee is 50% of their annual salary; 150% of annual salary for mid-level employees and 400% of annual salary for high-level or highly specialized employees.

Can your organization afford that?!

A large positive reason to implement this type of program:

  • Employers with the most engaged employees were 22% more profitable than those with the least engaged.

In this series, I’ve shown you why integrating appreciation into your organizational culture is imperative for a healthy and profitable business.

The question is: Why haven’t you done it yet?

Don’t know how or where to start?

That’s where I come in.

Schedule a call with me today so I can learn more about your specific needs and how we can work together to improve your overall team performance.

As a certified facilitator for the Motivating by Appreciation program, I help teams and organizations navigate the world of appreciation by offering assessments to determine which language each person values and how teams can implement the program to create a culture of increased engagement and collaboration.

To hear more about this or other programs I offer, please reach out to me and we’ll connect.

You know it’s time to make a change. Let’s work together to turn your company into the most productive, supportive, innovative and profitable place where everyone loves to work.

Thanks for watching. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Note: I did not be address the issue of sexual harassment in this blog. If you feel you have been sexually harassed, I strongly encourage you to report it to your Human Resources Partner and a person of authority within your organization.