The Power of Human Connection To Combat Loneliness (Episode 91)
The U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory calling loneliness a public health crisis ― one that increases the risk of conditions like heart disease and dementia.
So, if you’re feeling lonely, this episode is for you.
What You’ll Learn:
- The connection between loneliness and your physical health.
- Why being busy kills your ability to connect with others.
- The difference between loneliness and being alone.
- Ways to break free from feeling lonesome.
Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:
Not sure how to start having the connections you truly desire? Schedule your Discovery Call with me today and I’ll help you craft a plan so you feel more in charge of how you spend your time and fill your own cup.
The Power of Human Connection To Combat Loneliness (Transcript)
You are listening to episode 91 of Your Next Phase Podcast. The one where we get honest and real about feeling lonely, and what to do about it.
Hello my friends! It’s February, can you believe it? The year feels like it’s already flying by to me.
February is known as the month of love because of Valentine’s Day so I decided all month I’m going to be talking about love and loneliness and how to take great care of yourself, especially if you’ve experienced a significant loss or are in your next phase of life.
Big Changes Can Feel Lonely
Making big changes can feel lonely, especially when others don’t agree with your choices.
I’m watching some of my clients and friends go through this with the loss of their parents or dear friends or long relationships that no longer work are ending.
I’m experiencing this in my own life, too. It’s a process for sure and one that can have very low lows. Even when you know you’ve made the right decision for yourself, you can’t escape the loneliness that accompanies it.
So let’s be honest about what we’re feeling, okay?
I hate all the social media perfection BS that people get sucked into. Everyone and I do mean everyone has difficult times in their lives, challenges that seem insurmountable. That’s life, right? It ebbs and flows.
Even in the depth of my grieving, there were glimmers of light and laughter. And I’m still grieving it and I know it will take a long time to get through. There are also times when I feel lonely. I think we all experience that from time to time in our lives.
We’re In A Loneliness Epidemic
Last year the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory calling loneliness a public health crisis. One that increases the risk of conditions like heart disease and dementia. And other studies have shown that the pandemic was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back, and it seems the majority of us haven’t recovered.
We’re more isolated and disconnected than ever.
This week, I’m focusing on:
- Social connection, in its many forms and how to foster it.
- Why loneliness is so bad for our health and why it’s so pervasive today.
The Power of Human Connection
The miracle of getting together — it’s not a small miracle. It requires you to get up from the couch, overcome the allure of the internet or Netflix, to get out in the cold and dark night in search of human connection.
I play in two pickleball leagues – both are after work – and there are times when I just want to stay home and curl up on the couch. And on those nights, I force myself to change my clothes and get in the car to go play. I’m always glad I did.
I signed up for the exercise, fun, and connection with new people.
Slowly but surely, I’m beginning to get to know some of the women I’ve met. Since I can be a little impatient – I’m a Taurus after all – I catch my brain telling me it’s taking too long or it’s not working.
Well, I do know not to believe everything I think, so in those times I remind myself that real connection takes time. And that’s what I’m looking for – real connection.
The Impact Loneliness Has On Our Physical Health
So let’s look at loneliness for a bit. Loneliness is a powerful feeling. It makes sense that it would impact our mental health.
But why does it also impact our physical health to such a serious degree?
Research shows that loneliness triggers a physiological stress response. The body releases cortisol, a hormone that, in the short term, can cause shortness of breath or a fast heart rate.
Over time, this response impacts the body’s systems, including our cardiovascular and immune systems, in damaging ways.
I read a quote from a doctor at Mayo Clinic who said:
“Lacking connection can increase the risk of premature death comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes daily, which is just astounding to me.”
A doctor at Mayo Clinic is gobsmacked at the impact loneliness has.
The US Surgeon General stated being alone was dangerous in early humans — it demanded a reaction, just like hunger or thirst.
“Over centuries, this hypervigilance in response to isolation became embedded in our nervous system to produce the anxiety we associate with loneliness. So, when we feel lonely, our bodies react as if we were lost on the tundra surrounded by wild animals and members of alien tribes.
But if the feeling persists, as it so often does now, this repeated stress response can lead to anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping, heart disease and dementia. That’s pretty scary stuff, right?
So, I think it’s important to determine the difference between being lonely and being alone. They are very different. If you’re an introvert you know there are positives to having time to yourself — productivity, for example, or focus or mindfulness. I’m an extrovert and I enjoy having time to myself. It gives me a chance to touch base with myself, check in. And it’s certainly very possible to feel lonely in a crowded room. Have you ever felt that way?
Loneliness has to do with a person’s perception. If you’re someone who likes being alone, being home – and it doesn’t cause you any stress – that’s not loneliness. Loneliness is that feeling of separation where it’s causing distress.
The Definition of Loneliness
The American Psychological Association defines loneliness as a perceived state of being alone that causes discomfort or uneasiness.
I think that is a big differentiator. That feeling is created by the thoughts about being alone.
The times I’ve gone to a movie by myself, I’ve never felt lonely. I actually feel like I’m getting away with something. But that’s because of my thoughts about it.
Good News: We all have the capacity to stop feeling lonely.
I want to be clear on that.
If you think about it, it can be a good thing. Loneliness compels us to bond with other humans. That bonding whether it be a short chat with your neighbor or mail carrier or a girl’s weekend away, creates happy hormones – the ones that make you feel good.
There’s a documentary called Blue Zones that I watched on Netflix.
It’s all about living longer, healthier lives and where in the world they do that beautifully.
Well, one of the main elements of that kind of life is making connections with people. And not just onezie twozie connections.
It’s making a commitment to connect regularly, like taking a walk with your neighbors or friends every evening or meeting for coffee every week. I love that idea.
I’ve found it can be difficult to maintain because we Americans are all just so busy. That’s one of the reasons I joined a pickleball league. It was kind of a forced commitment to see the same people every week.
So let’s talk about age groups, okay?
The Two Age groups that experience the most loneliness:
The elderly – over 75. Some are living in senior living facilities, some are still in their homes, which can be isolating.
Teens and 20’s. And that’s due in large part to social media. Don’t even get me started on how that is just a shit show of irresponsibility.
What can be done to alleviate this distress and loneliness?
It starts with you, my friend. To quote Gandhi: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
You need to take the baby steps necessary to build community and connection.
3 Ways To Combat Loneliness
My invitation to you is to choose at least one activity you’ll focus on to combat loneliness.
- Think of someone you haven’t connected with in a while and reach out — give them a call, text them, or share a photo, song, or book you think they would like.
- Ask one friend or family member to get coffee or go for a walk together this week — make a plan, put it on your calendar, and go out and do it.
- Set up a recurring date (every Sunday at 2 p.m., for example) for a phone call with someone you care about.
What do you think? Do you have other ideas on how to create more connections in your life?
I’d love to hear them!
Drop me an email at hello@barbarachurchill.com and give me all the deets.
I’m in the process of creating a small and powerful community of women who are interested in figuring out their next phase while supporting other like-minded women. Email me if you’re interested in learning more. I’m very excited about having deeper conversations and connections while helping women be courageous and step into who they really are.
This month is all about loving ourselves through the good, the bad, and the ugly with grace. Until next time please remember: I believe in you.