Episode 34: Learn To Play Solo
(This is a 4-part series on the benefits of play and how to add more of it into your life and have more fun.)
When is the last time you took yourself out for a play date? Just you, no one else.
That long, huh?
Women take care of everyone and everything – it’s what we’ve been told is what we should to do be considered a good person. And then we wonder why we don’t have energy to do anything for ourselves, let alone go out to play.
I say let’s start a revolution.
What you’ll learn:
- My exciting announcement of what’s coming in 2023.
- How to tap into the feeling fun brings.
- What play really does for you.
- Ideas for you to play on your own.
Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:
Looking for someone to help you bring out the fun and feel like you again? Schedule a Discovery Call with me today and let’s talk about how adding more play to your world will fast track your goals – with less stress.
Episode 34: Learn To Play Solo (Transcript)
I’m recording this podcast episode a couple of days after returning from Positano Italy where I spent 7 luxurious days with 9 women I’d never met. I had set my intention to meet high caliber women who I could make fresh connections with and have fun with – and boy did I!
After the first 36 hours and some deep connections, we were women who would be friends forever. I’ve never experienced anything like it. We listened, shared, were our true selves, and accepted each other. It was a beautiful thing.
Every day I woke up to the sound of waves crashing on the shore of the Mediterranean Sea. The villa I was staying in was way up high on the cliffs overlooking the town of Positano, and I could still hear the waves! The food was fabulous as I knew it would be. I spent 3 weeks in Italy in 2018 and fell in love with the country, the people, of course the food and their way of life.
The pace is slower, but don’t think they don’t work hard. They absolutely do. They know how to slow down and share a meal with friends and family and be present with it all.
We dined for 2-3 hours every night and the chef at the villa created the best food – way better than any of the restaurants we went to. She was so talented and had a genuine desire to create food that would please the eye as well as our taste buds.
I’ll be sharing more about my trip and what Italy had to teach me in a later episode. I’m still journaling and processing the experience.
I want to let you know that I will again be offering women’s retreats starting in 2023 and they will be luxury all the way. If you are interested in joining me and 9 other women, please let me know and I’ll add you to the list so you can get the information first. My intention is to host it in Italy, so start learning some Italian!
One of the things I loved about my trip was that there was space to play. And all this month, the theme of the podcast is about bringing more play into your life. Last week’s episode introduced you to the importance of play in work and life.
I know in my intro I said this is about learning to play with yourself and that can be taken in many ways. I’m not referring to anything sexual. I’ll leave that to the many sex coaches out there. LOL! What I’m talking about is how to be comfortable with being alone – just you – and having fun doing it.
So often we find ourselves with so much to do and we busy ourselves with our list of tasks to complete, errands to run, kids to drive to and from all their activities, parents to see, meals to make, etc.
Rarely if ever do we put “play with self” on that list. But it’s a must because you need that time to get to know you again.
When you were a little kid, you knew how to play. It never crossed your mind that you didn’t.
If none of your friends were available, you’d still have fun playing by yourself. You might play with your dolls, play hopscotch, jump rope, ride your bike, put a puzzle together. There was always something to play.
I remember loving to play on the swing set we had in the backyard or the one at school. I loved to see how high I could go. I’d hop on and start pumping my legs to get the swing to go higher and higher. It made my stomach flip which made me giggle in delight. If I felt brave, I would jump off the swing and take flight for just a second or two, landing on my feet – most of the time. It puts a smile on my face just thinking about it.
What do you remember play to be like as a kid?
Think about that and feel that feeling you had back then. Was it excitement? Curiosity? Pure joy? You can create that feeling any time you want to by thinking about it. Isn’t that great!
Now fast forward to today.
When is the last time you took yourself out for a playdate?
Can you even remember? Yeah, I know. We adults are serious people and have serious things to do. It’s been way too long, right? Play can feel silly, unproductive and time consuming.
And that’s precisely the point.
If we talk about this in general terms, play is something that’s imaginative, self-directed, innately motivated and guided by rules that leave room for creativity.
One way to think about play is an action you do that brings you a significant amount of joy without offering a specific result.
That means taking a bike ride because it’s fun, not because you’re trying to lose five pounds.
A lot of us do everything hoping for a result. It’s always, ‘What am I getting out of this?’
Play has no result. Actually, I take that back. The result of play if pure fun!
Learning How To Play To Find Enjoyment & Create Fun!
I have a client who is learning how to play for plays sake. She is someone who is a very high achiever and has set the bar high for herself in all things.
Rarely does she do anything physical without a specific result in mind – a certain heart rate or number of miles or difficulty of the activity. For her, there’s no such thing as a leisurely stroll or bike ride just for fun. There must be a challenge and a winning result.
So many people are feeling overwhelmed these days. It’s exhausting, right? I’m not saying you have to embrace a “toxic positivity” mindset or tell yourself you have nothing to worry about. Although worrying is a waste of time because you expend a ton of energy thinking about something that hasn’t happened.
I’m saying to carve out some time for you to play. Have fun. Do what you like to do.
Actually schedule it like you would a meeting at work or a doctor’s appointment for your kid. It’s that important.
Years ago I read a book called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and it changed my life. Not only did it teach me to schedule time for myself every week, it also brought me three women who I am still friends with today. We all knew each other through our work – when I was a realtor back in the day.
We decided we wanted something more and so the four of us got together to do a book study on this and it was magical.
So think back to when you were a kid. What did you like to do for fun?
Solo Play Date Ideas
- If you liked to make things with Playdoh, maybe you could take a pottery class or a bread making class.
- If you freaked your mom out on a regular basis climbing trees, maybe you could go to one of those gyms where they offer rock climbing.
- If you liked to play “pretend” and act things out, you might really like to take an improv class.
- If you were a singer in the school choir you might like to go to a karaoke bar or take lessons or try out for the community theatre musical.
- Perhaps you were an explorer when you were a kid – going outside, looking for cool rocks or collecting insects or trying to catch fireflies at night. Take yourself on a date to your local science museum or art gallery or browse antique shops searching for that one special treasure.
There is a plethora of choices in what kind of play will light you up.
But watch out. The Judge in your brain is going to try to convince you there’s no time for such foolishness. You can’t do that, you have responsibilities at work, at home, with your friends, your parents. Don’t listen.
You have time. You have to make time for yourself. Most of your time is spent taking care of others, right? That’s what the patriarchal society we live in has trained us to believe is our job. Don’t buy into that BS.
Your job is to take care of you first. Period.
You know that old saying, “when mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy.” Well, it is so true – even if you don’t have kids. Trust me on this. Remember, I’ve burned out twice buying into this BS that putting others first is how you show you’re a good mom or wife or sister or daughter.
No. No. And no.
Play keeps you present. Play snaps you out of your typical thinking pattern of worry and ruminating. Play brings you joy.
Give Yourself Permission To Play
Do you need to give yourself permission to play?
OK – grab a sheet of paper and write today’s date on it. Then write this:
I, (your name), hereby grant myself permission to schedule and experience play every single day. It may be a quick dance party while I’m making dinner or belting out a song in my car or scheduling an outing to somewhere fun. I vow I will do this for me and commit to this practice moving forward. Starting today, I put play on top priority.
Then, sign and date it.
If you’d like to send it to me for some accountability, please do. You can send it to info@barbarachurchill.com and I’ll be sure to respond.
Want Help Adding Play To Your Life?
If you want help adding more play into your life, I’m here to help you. You only get this one life. Isn’t it time you discovered how much fun it can really be? Book a call with me today and let’s play together!
Until next time, remember:
I believe in you.