What Leaders Know About Criticism
Do you ever feel as if you live in a giant fish bowl? Sometimes I think our planet has turned into one because of the Internet and the ability for instantaneous responses from anywhere in the world about any topic.
Someone posts a video of their adorable baby on social media and it goes viral.
Breaking news of an abducted child practically in real time spreads over social media and the child is found quickly.
A judge imposes a lenient sentence for a heinous crime and immediately a petition is circulated for his removal.
These are examples of the good that comes from being connected 24/7. I applaud it when used in this way – for the greater good.
But what about the darker side of things?
What about all the criticism that resides in the land of the World Wide Web?
In the United States, where I live, we are in the midst of an incredibly heated election process and it’s come down to two candidates that couldn’t be more different from each other; the jabs and punches are already in full force. He said this. She came back with that. He countered. She dodged. That seems to be the world of politics in America I’m afraid.
But it’s not limited to politics, is it?
Criticism resides wherever people are, who disagree with how something is being handled or how decisions are being made. It’s how we handle it that counts.
Good leaders know this.
Whether it’s Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks or Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook or your manager or you – there are smart ways to handle criticism that you will want to master:
DON’T MAKE IT PERSONAL
When someone criticizes, they are looking for a reaction, a sparring partner. Don’t give it to them. While you may think it would feel good to go a few rounds, you’ll only end of looking bad. Be the savvy leader you are and stay calm and focused on your message. Show the world what a great leader looks like. Let the other person fade in their own negative light.
FACE IT – YOU’RE GOING TO GET CRITICIZED
It comes with the job, so be proactive and learn how not to internalize the attacks. When people criticize, they are venting their pent-up frustrations and who better to aim for than the person in charge. The key is to stay poised, know it’s not about you personally and continue making decisions that support the vision of the company or team.
KEEP BOTH FEET ON THE GROUND – NOT IN YOUR MOUTH
It’s so easy to lash out, especially in challenging times. Avoid that temptation at all costs. When you’re all revved up, try this tried-and-true method for venting. Take out a notepad and pen and start to write every thought you have about what was said about you or your company. Write what you’d like to say to the person, what name you’d like to call them – get it all out. Then, place the pad in a drawer and leave it there until the next morning. Why on paper? I’m sure you’ve heard about people who write a nasty reply in an email – not meaning to send it – and they send it by mistake. Yikes! Paper is so much safer and gives the same result. In the morning, when you’ve had a chance to cool down, take out the paper and shred it.
BE AUTHENTIC – ALWAYS
When crafting your response make sure it sounds like you, rather than some legalese that came out of HR. Certainly feel free to get an opinion or two from your trusted inner circle, but please, please, please – make sure it’s coming from you, sounds like you and represents you. Brené Brown, the leading expert in authenticity, defines it as “the courage to be imperfect, vulnerable, and to set boundaries.” Great leaders are courageous.
(Brené Brown recently responded to some criticism of her work and did so brilliantly. You can see it here)
KEEP LAUGHING
Great leaders understand the power of not taking themselves too seriously. Keeping your sense of humor is key as you climb the leadership staircase. By doing so, you model how to deal with this when it arises to those you lead while easing the tension in the office environment.
ONE LAST THING…
I am a big fan of Brené Brown’s work and her book, Daring Greatly. It’s a must-read in my opinion. In it she talks about being in the arena and how if someone isn’t in there with you – doing the work, taking risks, being vulnerable – their opinion doesn’t count.
Yep. I completely agree.
I went through this a couple of years ago and it was brutal, but only for a couple of days.
It hit me that these people who had made these hurtful remarks hadn’t gotten into the arena with me. They weren’t experts in my field nor had any of them ever presented to a large group. They were sitting on the sidelines, judging me, judging my value.
No one gets to do that. No one.
I know who I am and what I stand for. I know what’s in my heart and how I treat others. I know I strive to come from a place of love and acceptance in whatever I’m doing.
I know I’m good at what I do.
You are, too.
So, when you’re feeling judged or de-valued, please remember who you really are and what you stand for.
And when you’re in the arena, remember this: what other people think of you, is none of your business.