Episode 54: How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself
We are trained that being the best is the only thing to strive for, when in fact, being the best version of yourself is what we all need to strive for.
Here’s the truth about aiming to be the absolute best – it’s not memorable nor is it sustainable.
Instead of focusing on being the best, focus on being the best version of yourself. That is definitely worth the time and effort.
What you’ll learn:
- Details about my Retreat Platinum Community.
- The myth behind being the best.
- The pressures of being the best and how it affects your health.
- 6 tips on how to be the best version of you.
Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:
You know what you need better than anyone else. You just haven’t tuned in to hear what your inner wise self know. Let me be your guide to discovering how to be the best version of yourself. Schedule a Discovery Call with me today because the world needs you.
Episode 54: How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself (Transcript)
Hello friend – Happy Wednesday! I’m feeling feisty today, I’m just going to tell you.
I’ve worked out, had a healthy breakfast and am ready to make this a fab day. I’m so glad you’re here with me.
How are you feeling today? I know a surefire way to make you feel amazing…
Join me in Italy – this September 2023! I haven’t seen your name yet which is why I’m bringing it up. I’ve heard from some people they want to get a handle on their schedules and make sure they are good to go. Maybe that’s you, too?
I’ve extended my Platinum Community offer to April 30th to give you plenty of time to get it all together before I see you in Tuscany. Clear your calendar. Make the necessary arrangements for your kids and pets if you have them.
Then go to barbarachurchill.com/retreats and register to save your spot. Seats are filling up, so be sure you register with a deposit. Then you can sit back and relax knowing that you have an amazing life experience coming your way.
Plus, you’ll be enjoying 2 months of group coaching before your trip to prepare you for all the deliciousness that awaits you AND a month of group coaching after your return because you’ll need support to re-enter your world. This is the best retreat experience I’ve ever offered, and I want to share it with you!
This leads me to what I want to talk about today.
How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself
Being the best. Our society is all about that, right?
Marketing gurus are always striving to find ways to tell you why their product or service is the best.
- Which hamburger is the best? McDonald’s? Wendy’s? In-and-Out Burger?
- Which SUV is the best? Hyundai? Subaru? Chevy?
- And in sports, which team is the best? Which player? Coach?
We are trained that being the best is the only thing to strive for, it’s the only thing worth doing, but here’s the truth…
It’s not memorable.
Do you remember who won the Oscar for Best Actress in a comedy last year or the year before?
It’s not sustainable either.
Do you remember Krispy Kreme donuts? They were the best several years ago and now you can hardly find them. There used to be quite a few in Minnesota and now the closest store is in Iowa.
Instead Of The Best – Be The Best Version Of YOU
Striving to be the best also triggers habitual imposter syndrome thoughts and behaviors. You begin to question yourself and look outside yourself for validation.
I offer something different.
Be the best version of you. No one to compare to, to measure up to. No one to strive to beat.
Just you being the best version of you there is. And with that comes a feeling that is often overlooked as not being, well, the best.
Contentment
When I think of that word, I envision someone at peace with themselves and the world around them. Someone who is grounded and doesn’t need to be exuberant all the time. They have a Zen quality.
Society says it’s mediocre. It’s a negative. You can do better and you should want to do better. You should want to be the best.
Maybe you need to stop “shoulding” on yourself – or at the very least stop letting others do it.
Consider this:
Everyone is striving to feel content, settled, good in their own skin. How many meditation apps are out there?
Everyone is trying to feel contentment.
What does that say about our culture if we’re always striving to be the best and when we fall short, we think there’s something wrong with us?
We create so much stress trying to achieve what very few have.
This reminds me of athletes
When I was a kid, I had a poster of Mark Spitz, the multi–Olympic Gold Medalist on the back of my door.
He was a swimmer and was so cute, I remember. Big crush on him for sure. I think he had seven medals or something like that. And that was just unheard of back then.
He was celebrated and so were his fellow medalists for silver and bronze. That was when people celebrated being in the top 3. You’re an Olympic medalist! You’re in the top 3 in the world!
Now, if you don’t get gold, you’re a loser, right. Sorry, no endorsements, no Wheaties box, no Nike endorsements, none of that. You didn’t hit the mark, so you know, try again in four years. Spend your life working toward a nearly impossible goal and then we’ll see.
The Problem With Striving For The Best
Look at the toll that it takes on athletes’ mental health.
Look at Michael Phelps. Simone Biles. Lindsay Vonn.
No one is more committed than these athletes, more focused, or spent more time working toward their goal.
And look at what all the pressure – societal and self-imposed – has done to their mental health. So if they are deemed not successful if they aren’t number one, haven’t we set the bar a little too high?
When is it good enough?
When do you just get to be content with your performance?
Many of my clients struggle with the push and pull between what contentment feels like and the desire to be the best. There’s that part of you that’s always striving to do better, do better, do better.
That’s where the stress comes from.
Your definition of success conflicts with your desire to feel contentment. That’s the growth you get to look at.
It’s very common to want others to see you as a success or a winner. We’ve been taught that since we were very young – other people’s opinions count more than our own and we want accolades from the outside.
It’s imposter syndrome, right? I’ve got to prove that I’m good enough. There’s that Prover Derailer™. That’s what we do when we were striving to get those A’s so that we get that approval. And then if it’s not an A+, we ask what more can I do to get the A+. We don’t even accept that it was well done and accept the A.
As long as we are looking to the outside world, for validation of our skill sets, our success, our humor, or whatever, we will always come up short.
The Compare and Despair Cycle
This morning I listened to the radio and I heard a commercial that said…
“If you’re a teenager and you’ve been damaged by your time on Instagram and you now have an eating disorder, we want you to join our class action lawsuit against Facebook and Instagram.”
And I’m like, Oh my God. And then I thought, well of course, because the compare and despair cycle is so detrimental and rampant on social media. For children and teens, their brains aren’t fully formed yet so they see everyone else having a great life and they think theirs sucks.
What they don’t realize is what they see is carefully curated because nobody puts their life, their real life on Instagram or Facebook. It’s carefully managed.
So now they’re feeling oh my god, what’s wrong with me? And they’re gauging their success by what someone else’s life looks like.
The compare and despair is always going to be there as long as you continue to look to the outside for validation and approval.
And isn’t that mostly subjective – someone else’s opinion? The Olympians are timed. You can’t argue with that measurement. Three-hundredths of a second faster. You can’t argue with it.
To be your best, what about:
- Deciding what that means to you
- Setting your own standards that have nothing to do with anyone else’s measurement.
6 Ways To Be The Best Version Of Yourself
I offer you this short list of ways you can be the best version of yourself.
1. Discover your values
Find out what drives you.
Every person is unique and what drives a friend or colleague may not be important to you. They have different paths, different skills, and passions.
What’s important to you?
Dig deeper than the superficial things like money and power.
What is your ultimate purpose in life?
Knowing your values is crucial to answering that question and to redefining what being the best is for you.
2. Get to know your Derailers™
You’re far too familiar with those negative messages that the Perfectionist, Prover, Pleaser, and Procrastinator tell you every day.
As tempting as it is to believe those messages, the truth is that each of us is fully complete just the way we are. It’s getting in touch with your authentic self that will free you to be the best version of yourself.
You know who you are right now – but do you know who you could be?
3. Stop all the shoulds
How many times a day do you tell yourself what you should do?
Not very motivating is it?
It’s time to choose courage over comfort and get out there and try new things! Get out there and fail, learn, fail again, and then succeed. That’s the reality of life.
Shoulds become musts. The only way to become the best version of yourself is to stop judging yourself, try new things – and have fun doing it.
4. Focus on your strengths
You’re amazing – use what you got! When you strengthen what you’re already good at, it deepens the learning you have about yourself and will bolster you when things get rocky.
Don’t believe in weaknesses either. These are opportunities for growth – nothing more.
Take note of those things you do well that come very easily to you. They don’t for others. Take pride in what you do well – all of it.
5. Throw out old beliefs and identities
Sometimes your beliefs are not your own. Like most of us, you’ve built at least part of your identity on others’ expectations.
Uncovering those and bringing them into your awareness is a step in the process of learning how to be the best version of yourself.
Your vision for who you want to be must be yours – no one else’s.
When you do that, you’ll shed your old identity and raise the bar on who you are becoming. People will notice and some may not be comfortable with the “new you”. That’s OK.
New you = the best version of you.
6. Meet your Inner Wise Self
Since understanding how to be the best version of yourself requires looking inward for wisdom, you won’t find yourself scrolling through tons of information on the web.
This is going to feel weird I know. Some of us are so programmed to look to the outside for what the experts say we should do or think or want. Nope.
This requires you to look inward and ask key questions like,
- What would the future me do here?
- What does she want, need, or like?
Get to know her. She’s pretty damn wise.
Final Thoughts
If you’re feeling like this is all too overwhelming and don’t know where to start, I’d love to chat with you.
Schedule a Discovery Call with me today and let’s talk about where you are now, where you’d like to go, and how to fill in the gap. It will be the best hour you spent in a very long time.
I’m looking forward to our conversation. Until then, remember:
I believe in you.