Episode 21: How to Decide & Commit - Babs Churchill Coaching & Consulting

(This is part 2 of a 4-part series on independence and freedom)

How do you make decisions?

Have you ever thought about that? Most of us don’t. We go about our daily lives making hundreds of decisions and never pause to look at how we arrived at them.

Then there are the questions of which comes first? Decision or commitment? Now, this may seem elementary to you, but it’s really not.

Are you committed first, or do you have to decide on something, then commit to it?

Listen as I share my own experience with decision and commitment (and what surprised the heck out of me) plus what to watch out for.

What You’ll Learn:

Which comes first – decision or commitment?
My recent experience with both.
What to watch for when gathering data.
What stands in your way of real commitment?

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:

Apple | Spotify | Audible

Episode 21: How To Decide and Commit (Transcript)

Hello, hello! Welcome to the July 4-part series on independence and freedom.

July is the perfect month to do this series because in the US we celebrate our independence as a nation on the 4^th.

Last week, I did an intro on independence and freedom and today we’re talking about how independence and freedom are affected by your decisions and commitment to those decisions.

Which comes first? Decision or commitment?

Now, this may seem elementary to you, but it’s really not.

How often do you even think about this?

Are you committed first or do you have to decide on something, then commit to it?

Hmmmmm.

I’ve decided it’s to decide first.

Here’s why.

It’s hard to commit to something you don’t know exists yet.

There’s a drive, a need, a change – something that you have to decide on before you can commit to seeing it through.

Also, decisions can be made very quickly.

Are you surprised by that?

You can decide right now that you’re going to take a vacation in August. You can decide right now that you are not going to eat sugar anymore. You can decide right now what to watch on TV.

Decisions can be fast.

If you’re someone who takes a long time to make decisions – large or small – listen up. If you’re someone who looks at a menu and can’t decide what to order to eat, this is for you.

Decisions: Should You Seek Other’s Opinions?

Sometimes it’s good to get input from various sources, to gather the information that you need to make the best decision, the most informed decision.

That makes sense but use this technique sparingly.

If you are running around asking other people’s opinions and advice because you don’t trust your own brain, then this is where decision-making comes off the rails.

It’s the motivation behind the questions, the advice-seeking.

When you seek other people’s opinions because you are afraid of making the wrong decision or you don’t trust yourself to know what to do, that’s where your lack of confidence shows up.

You don’t want to get it wrong.

You don’t want to fail.

But what happens? You take WAY longer to make a decision.

This is perfection and people-pleasing, two of the 4 Derailers™ I talk about.

Perfection and people-pleasing are a type of prison because they keep you from expanding and trying new things – taking a risk, showing up as who you really are.

Trusting yourself.

That’s not independence. That’s not freedom.

So what if you make the wrong decision?

What’s the worst that could happen?

I want you to really go there so you can show your brain it’s not as dramatic as it is trying to make it.

You do your best in the moment with the information you have and decide. You can fix it later if needed.

Just make a decision.

And have you noticed anything after you make your decision? Often you realize that you did know what to do. The decision made – ultimately by you – was the correct one.

Start with Small Decisions

I offer this to you: start with small decisions to build up that decision-making muscle.

Here’s a personal example:

At the end of May, I decided to walk every day in June. I decided I wanted to be healthier. Now, I’m pretty healthy but during the pandemic, I released my health club membership and didn’t work out as I used to. I decided to walk every day in the month of June rain or shine.

Every day. I had to get up at 5:30 am, get out the door, do my walk, come home, and do my exercises on the days that I’m supposed to; so that’s what I did.

I decided. I didn’t need to research it. I didn’t need to ask anyone else if this was a good idea or what their thoughts were about it.

My thoughts. My decision.

The first few days were a bit rough, I’m not going to lie.

Here’s what I discovered:

After 10 days it was routine for me. My body was used to getting up at that time and I popped out of bed, got dressed and headed out with my earbuds to listen to podcasts.

There was ease. There was grace if I laid in bed an extra 10 minutes. I decided every morning to love and honor myself.

You get to do this for yourself, too.

You get to do it multiple times a day if you need to.

You get to recommit.

You get to say to yourself, yes, I’m going to do it or no that doesn’t work for me.

You get to say, “This is who I’m going to be. I’m no longer going to allow a patriarchal society to tell me how I can and cannot show up. I’m no longer going to go with the norm of people pleasing so I don’t make waves. I’m no longer going to expect perfection because it hurts me and it hurts the team. And it hurts creativity.”

Alright, so we have decision covered.

Next is Commitment

What does commitment really mean?

Again, I asked Google, and here’s what I found:

Commitment is dedication to a particular organization, cause, or belief, and a willingness to get involved. People who are committed truly believe that it is important, and they show up, follow through, and stick with it.

Notice it doesn’t say work yourself to death. It doesn’t say you have to work long, hard hours and make it your life’s work.

Again, look at your motivation. Commitment versus overworking?

We just learned what commitment is. If you are overworking – aka Proving – another one of the 4 Derailers™- then you need to be honest with yourself.

I’m working with a client right now who is realizing how much she have Prover energy in everything she does, especially in her job.

Being committed isn’t the same as believing you have to prove yourself or your value. It’s believing in the decision you made and committing to it. Being all in.

Ask yourself… are you putting in the effort every day? This is where the rubber meets the road so to speak.

Commitment Example: Weight Loss

Say you decide to lose weight and tell yourself you’re committed to doing it. But then you have that 3rd glass of wine or you eat dessert when dining out.

Are these behaviors in alignment with someone who is committed to losing weight? No.

But your brain gives you a pass. “It was a special occasion, or I deserve this because I had a hard day.” Those are all excuses that you are allowing yourself to believe and indulge in. And then you wonder why the scale doesn’t move.

I offer this: Look at what you say you’re committed to and be honest with yourself.

Notice I didn’t say judgmental. No good can come from that. We need to stop weaponizing our thoughts against ourselves.

Are you moving your body?
Have you committed to that every day?
Are you wanting to change a relationship, but you are waiting for somebody else to do the work?

Being committed means you have this decision at the forefront of your brain at all times. Not obsessively, but it’s on your radar.

And when faced with choices that go against what you’re committed to, you check in with yourself. Ask yourself am I still committed to this?

Know Your Why

Remind yourself why. Why are you committed to this?

Go deep with it.

Continue to ask yourself why until you get to that emotional place. That place that grabs you so hard that you know to the depth of your soul that you HAVE to create this in your life.

So that flourless chocolate torte isn’t going to look so good. Lying in bed that extra half hour isn’t going to sound so good. Blaming your spouse or your friends for what’s going on in your world isn’t going to bring them closer.

You’re going get uncomfortable and that’s okay.

When we’re uncomfortable, that’s when changes occur.

That’s when you’re willing to admit to yourself that what you’re doing isn’t working and you want to do something different. It’s incredibly uncomfortable.

Commitment is not about overworking

Being committed doesn’t mean studying and consuming tons of information. It doesn’t mean micromanaging your team.

If you want to be a better leader, you have to define what that means to you. If that’s what you’re committed to, then define it for yourself.

Being committed means:

After working with individual leaders and organizations I know it means having a good understanding and displaying executive presence, knowing what that means, and doing it every day.
It’s having the confidence in yourself and what you believe in, what your vision is. To show that to people and help them see it.
It also means holding others accountable. If they’re not doing the job, you either find them a place where they’re a better fit, or you let them go.

There is enormous freedom in making decisions and committing to them. You aren’t bogged down in fear or indecision. You aren’t waiting for someone else to tell you what to do.

You sleep better and actually feel rested in the morning.

You’re more fun to be around because you don’t have the heaviness hanging on your shoulders.

You get to put your trust in yourself. Commit to you. Believe in you.

And that my friends, is gold.

When I hit my 30 days of walking in June I was so proud of myself. And the most amazing thing happened. When I didn’t walk on July 2, I missed it. I actually missed getting up early, being outside when no one else is up, and having my time to myself.

So I’m back to daily walking and it has become part of how I care for myself. It’s part of who I am, my self-concept. I’m a woman who cares for her body by walking daily.

What decision have you been putting off?

What decision have you made, but have been less than committed to?

What excuses are you allowing for yourself?

If you’re ready to explore these questions and commit to creating the career and life you’ve been craving for a long time, then my private coaching program is a must for you. Schedule your Discovery Call with me today.

Decide to be all in – on you.

Then, make the commitment to yourself and hire yourself a coach to ensure you get the support you need. Aside from being a stellar coach, I’m a fabulous cheerleader!

Decision and commitment – two things that bring you independence and freedom like nothing else.

So until we talk, remember:

I believe in you!

More Episodes in the Freedom & Independence Series:

You’re a go-getter and know what you want, yet you just can’t seem to get past your self-sabotaging behaviors. I get it. Stop trying to go it alone. It’s time for us to team up. Schedule a Discovery Call with me today and we’ll talk about all the things – and how partnering is THE best decision you’ll ever make!