Episode 73: The Importance of Feeling Your Feelings

Are you someone who struggles to name the feelings you have outside of the very basic “happy” or “sad” or “mad”? No worries my friend, you are in great company.

Women are told they are too emotional, high maintenance or “crazy” for feeling a certain way, so no wonder we don’t want to explore our feelings when it feels unsafe to do so. 

In this episode I share why knowing and naming your feelings is the best way to get on the path to where you want to go. It’s part of my September series on lessons I learned from taking a summer break.

What You’ll Learn:

• How the seasons can affect how you feel
• There are more than 3 or 4 feelings
• How The 4 Derailers™ create stress
• How to process difficult feelings
• The benefits that feeling your feelings bring

It’s time for you to learn what you’re feeling and how to process the difficult ones. No more avoiding, because that never works.

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:

Apple | Spotify | Audible 

Schedule Your Discovery Call with me today so you can name and claim what you’re feeling and be on your way to your next phase.

Episode 73: The Importance of Feeling Your Feelings (Transcript)

You are listening to episode 73 of Your Next Phase Podcast. The one where I talk about feeling your feelings and how processing your feelings will positively impact your health. 

–

Hello again my friends! We are marching into fall and I’m feeling the change all around me. 

Since I live in Minnesota – land of snow and ice 6 months out of the year – I know what it feels like when the seasons start to change. Cool, crisp mornings are followed by gorgeous cooler afternoons. 

We rarely get above 75 degrees once the leaves begin to change color.

I have to say, while I will miss the lighter side of summer, I do enjoy dressing in comfy sweaters and reaching for a warm blanket when I settle in to read or watch a few shows on Netflix. And you know my darling Miss Daisy Mae loves it too, because she jumps right onto my lap.

Have you noticed if your tastes change in the Fall? Mine do. 

I’m drawn to hot tea with honey in my favorite mug or hearty soups. 

I have a tradition that I started with my daughter and future daughter-in-law a couple of years ago. We meet on a weekend in the Fall, visit the apple orchard near my house and browse their selections of all things made of apple, then head back to my house to make pies and crisps – and chat about life. 

It’s an afternoon that delights me to my toes and I feel all warm inside  – and not just because I’m eating apple cinnamon crisp straight from the oven.

Which brings me to today’s podcast topic. All month I’m sharing what I learned from taking a couple of months off from recording this summer and today I’ll be talking about the importance of feeling your feelings.

The Importance Of Feeling Your Feelings

I have a tool I use with my private coaching clients that helps them determine what they are feeling. 

So many women don’t know what they feel other than being sad, mad or glad. 

And let me tell you, there are so many other choices out there, which is why I supply them with this tool. It helps them pinpoint what they are feeling.

Why are feelings sometimes difficult to define? 

I asked the Google for the definition of feelings and here’s what I found. 

Feelings: an emotional state or reaction. 

Well, that seems pretty straightforward, but here’s the issue – we were never taught to discern what feeling we were feeling. 

As kids we were taught the basics, but if we feel sad for example, there are any number of feelings that are a better fit to what we are really feeling. 

For Example:

If you’re sad, perhaps you’re feeling hurt or a version of hurt – disappointed or embarrassed. 

Or if you’re feeling joyful or free, that’s part of feeling content and content is under the happiness umbrella. 

Not being able to know how to choose a feeling is one thing. Another is not wanting to feel the discomfort. 

I implore you to let this fear go. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, especially during high and low times it’s feel your feelings. 

So many women don’t allow themselves to feel what they truly feel because of their fear of the discomfort. They set it aside and pretend it doesn’t exist or tell themselves that they will deal with it later. And later rarely comes. 

No wonder she has an avoidant attitude – that sounds awful, right? But not feeling them keeps her stuck where she is.

Women Are Questioned For Feeling A Certain Way

Women are told they are too emotional, high maintenance or “crazy” for feeling a certain way, so no wonder we don’t want to explore our feelings when it feels unsafe to do so. 

We put up with a lot of behaviors in personal and work relationships that they normally wouldn’t because they don’t want to take the time to process the emotions that come with standing up for yourself.

Setting boundaries isn’t comfortable and our brains will fight to avoid any sign of discomfort. So much drama and story around feeling that discomfort. 

But here’s the truth and you know I always tell you the truth – you already are feeling discomfort by avoiding dealing with it. 

You tell yourself the story that…

• Other people are more important than you are. 
• Their needs are more important than yours. 
• What they want is more important than what you want 

So you don’t want to rock the boat to cause a problem, therefore you ignore yourself.

This can only continue for so long before your soul screams for you to listen and your body begins to rebel. Because your body will hold that and when you don’t listen to what it is trying to tell you, then that’s when you get sick. 

A value has been stepped on and you need to listen to what your body and inner wisdom are telling you.

Boundaries will continue to be crossed if you don’t step up and advocate for yourself and if you don’t hold that boundary line. “When you do that, I will do this.” That’s a boundary. It’s not about manipulation. It’s not about ultimatums. 

You need to make sure you’re going to follow through. 

It’s not about control. It’s about you having your own back and being clear on what you will and won’t accept. 

What about Grief?

I can relate to this big time as I’ve processed some deep grief this year. 

I found myself on more than one occasion curled up on the couch sobbing, dealing with the waves that came crashing over me again and again. 

Was is pleasant? Oh hell no. I had to go through that, to let it all out, to acknowledge and release that deep grief and sadness that comes with losing someone you deeply love. 

It was necessary to keep it from backing up into my body and cause illness.

Dis-ease. Your body is in dis-ease and stress is a huge contributor to diseases. 

• Grief is a form of stress 
• Overwork is a form of stress 
• The 4 Derailers™ – Perfectionism, Proving, Procrastination and People-Pleasing – are all forms of stress 

The United States has been having it’s own epidemic for years – we’re in a stress epidemic and it’s taking it’s toll on our collective health.

Feeling Your Feelings: 5 Things To Consider

1. Feelings Are Just Emotional Energy

The thing about feelings is that they are just emotional energy and you’re allowed to feel however you feel. 

There’s no right and wrong about emotions; the names of specific feelings are just words we use to identify that particular emotional energy burst. 

Sometimes if the emotional burst is big – of the volcanic size – it might take a few days or a week to return to that clear centered place. 

But mark my words, you will return to a more balanced state if you allow yourself to feel.

2. We Can Feel Guilty About Our Emotions

We think it’s wrong to have that feeling as it makes us a bad person. 

So we tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel the way that we do. 

We can become so used to a particular kind of feeling – such as anger, resentment or fear – that it becomes a comfortable and familiar way to view our world.

3. Give in. Don’t resist

Give in all the way to what and how you feel. Then just let that feeling float away. 

The more you give in to whatever you’re feeling, the faster it will disappear. 

Knowing what you’re feeling by naming it as closely as possible will help you slide gracefully and gradually through the emotional burst. 

4. Take Care Of Yourself

If you’re dealing with something big, make sure you’re taking good care of yourself. 

• Talk with trusted friends and ask for support. 
• Get plenty of rest. That’s not the same as bingeing Netflix. It means getting to bed by 10:00 and sleeping eight hours. 
• Get outside and exercise. Breathe fresh air – fill your lungs with it. Nourish your body, too.

5. Sometimes We Need To Feel Worse Before We Feel Better

The truth is, sometimes we need to feel worse before we feel better, and that’s okay. 

I help my clients with this all the time because processing feelings isn’t something that comes naturally to most people. 

I teach them my process and then practice it with them so they can use it on their own. I’d love to help you with this as well. 

I’ve created a brand new private coaching program that is in alignment with what you need and what I love helping women with. Reach out to me today and let’s talk about what you’ve been feeling and how to process it.

Feeling Your Feelings: Final Thoughts

Honor your emotions; they are an important part of you. They hold your connection to love, passion, joy, healing and intuition. Cherish them all. 

And by all means, feel those feelings of happiness, joy, excitement, surprise and awe to their fullest, too! 

We all can use more joy in our lives, right?

As for me, I want you to know what I’m feeling right now – deep love and gratitude for the gift of you in my life.

Until next time remember:

I believe in you.

More Your Next Phase Episodes:

• Ep. 71: What’s Your Next Phase?
• Ep. 72: How You See Yourself