Episode 72: How You See Yourself
How you see yourself in life matters more than you know.
When someone gives you a compliment, what’s your initial reaction? Dismiss it or diminish it?
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Flaws, wrinkles or things you wish were different?
Women are socialized that owning our beauty – both inner and outer – isn’t acceptable. In fact, it’s downright vain.
How you speak to yourself about how you look, your expertise – you name it – has a direct link to how you show up in the world. And too many women are hiding.
In this episode, I share an experience that was truly life-changing for me and I hope you give yourself the gift of doing the same thing.
What You’ll Learn:
- How the roles you have determine how you see yourself.
- Why women dismiss hearing the truth – even from professionals.
- Why the camera is more than just for selfies.
- My invitation to see yourself how others do.
- Special announcement of an upcoming event!
You have this one life my friends and there are many phases to that one life. What have you been waiting to do that you can no longer put off?
Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:
Schedule your Discovery Call with me today so we can talk about your next phase and why now is the exact time to start.
Episode 72: How You See Yourself (Transcript)
This is a series where I share what I discovered during my 2-month sabbatical from this podcast. I know this will resonate with you, too. Here we go!
Hello, my friends! SO darn good to be with you again on this Worthiness Wednesday.
I am so grateful to be back with you every week on this podcast. I feel like we’re hanging out in my living room, sipping tea while having meaningful conversations.
I wish we could do that in person; wouldn’t that be great?
Well, if you live in Minnesota, I would love to meet you.
Coming soon: I’ll be offering a way for us to hang out
We’ll get together and meet other high-performing women like you.
I’ve decided to combine three things I love:
- Community
- Connection
- Cuisine!
I’ll be hosting intimate dinners for a small group of women who want to make connections and discuss some of life’s biggest questions all while gathering in a beautiful space enjoying amazing food.
If you want to be the first to hear all the details, just send me an email at hello@barbarachurchill.com with the subject line: Invite me to dinner! and I’ll be sure to send you all the yummy details.
This month, I’m sharing some of the discoveries that I had while I stepped away from doing this podcast each week.
I’m not going to lie; it was hard to do at first. I had to manage my mind around the lies that bully in my brain was dishing up.
Things like I’m disappointing you or it’s not professional or I was being lazy. So much BS flooded into my head because I made the decision to step away and regroup.
I’m SO grateful that I did. I needed to listen to my body and my inner wisdom because I was feeling out of alignment.
Has this ever happened to you?
So many of us just power through and ignore what our bodies and spirits are trying to tell us because it goes against what we’ve been told we should be doing or have been socialized is “right”.
I have several clients right now who are struggling with what they think they should do and what they want to do.
Ignoring what you want can cause so much stress and lead to burnout fast. Believe me, I know. In my late thirties and early forties, I didn’t listen and burned out not once, but twice.
How I See Myself
One of my realizations is that I needed to adjust how I saw myself as a woman.
I see myself as a:
Mother
The easiest role I see myself in is as a mother. It’s the one I’ve always wanted, and I can relate to it effortlessly because I’m a nurturer to my core.
Daughter
I can see myself as a daughter – another role I do very well.
Friend
As a friend – I’m very loyal, caring and giving. I’m also direct and won’t sidestep an issue if I think you need to hear some tough love.
These are roles that society says we should be good at, and I feel successful in.
Life & Leadership Coach
I’m great at feeling confident as a life coach for leaders and entrepreneurs because I rock at it! Just ask any of my clients!
I claim that expertise and skill unabashedly and unapologetically.
- I listen to what you’re not saying.
- I have a finely honed intuition that I use along with many coaching tools.
- I help you get out of your own way and support your growth like a boss.
- And – I help you see yourself as others do. I help you see the real you.
This is what I learned I needed this summer.
I needed to see myself as others do – to see the rEAL me.
To see me as a woman who is beautiful.
I attended an event in June hosted by one of my coaches and was photographed several times.
I was told by this photographer that I should be a model.
Wait what the actual hell did she just say?!
She told me companies are looking for mature women who have a lot of energy and I would be perfect.
Over the course of the next several days, I had confirmation of this time and time again. So instead of doing what I usually do – dismiss their experience of me – I reached out to her to see if she was serious.
Notice I didn’t believe her when she said it to me.
Women do this a lot. We are given a compliment for our appearance or our leadership or a particular skill – and we dismiss it or diminish it. That completely negates the other person’s belief and opinion.
I didn’t want to do that, so I asked what she saw in me as a professional photographer. Oh, by the way, she’s also a model and actress which makes her an expert in this field.
Once she shared what she saw in me, I realized it had been a VERY long time since I truly felt beautiful.
So you know what I did?
I called a photographer I know here in Minneapolis and asked her what she thought. She was all over it and told me I definitely should do it and add commercials because of my experience and comfort level on TV.
I took this as the latest sign and booked my photo shoot.
This. Was. BIG for me. AND – I had a blast.
I did my own hair and makeup, brought far too many outfits, shoes and accessories and spent 3 hours having my picture taken.
It was fun. It was uncomfortable. It was challenging. I felt like a life-size Barbie doll playing dress up. It was life-changing.
Can you relate to any of this?
When was the last time you felt truly beautiful in your own skin, just as you are?
No deflecting or diminishing compliments. No false modesty, or beating yourself up because you have lumps and bumps or saggy underarms.
Just owning the beauty that someone sees in you. Your energy. Your spirit. Your wisdom. Your humor. It all shines through and people notice.
But women aren’t socialized to own that are we?
We are told that we need to look a certain way
And if we don’t, we need to change ourselves via makeup, strict diets, brutal workouts or even surgery.
Women in their forties, fifties and sixties – even seventies are told they have no value unless they get rid of any signs of aging because our society doesn’t value women as they age.
Men? Oh for sure. As men age they are told they look distinguished if they have wrinkles and gray hair.
Women are told to color their hair, get Botox and fillers and have plastic surgery so they can look youthful and be acceptable. I don’t have any judgment on those things at all. If you want to use them, great!
What I have a problem with is if you don’t, society judges your value based on what you look like.
So can you imagine what was going through my mind as I stood in front of that camera and played model?!
Holy Hannah my friends. I was bucking the societal BS train for sure, especially because of my age. And to that I say you can kiss my ass.
I follow a couple of models on TikTok who are in my age range and they are having a ball and are gorgeous. They show their age and it is stunning.
I also have a SHEroe – Iris Apfel and if you don’t know who she is, she’s a model and entrepreneur who just had her 102nd birthday. Check out her Instagram. She is who I want to be when I grow up – owns her style, owns her beauty, owns who she is.
My Next Phase In Life
I am going through some large transitions in my life this year and one of them is around who I want to be in this next phase of my life.
As I record this my photos are almost ready to be shared and believe me when I tell you I am going to share them all and be proud! I’m also going to contract with modeling agencies and get an agent for commercials. I’m so excited to embrace this new adventure!
Some may judge me for this.
Who am I kidding – many will judge me for this and share their un-asked-for opinions on whether or not they think I should be doing this or am capable of doing this or am model material because of all their own insecurities, judgments and childhood wounds.
I won’t be listening to them. I am listening to my own inner wisdom – or should I say my own inner Iris Apfel!
So many of my clients have told me how they wish they could do what I just did and I say why not?!
What are you waiting for?
There Are Many Phases Of One Life
You have this one life my friends and there are many phases to that one life.
What have you been waiting to do when the kids get older or this project is over or when life slows down?
Guess what. Life will never slow down, and you don’t want it to. That’s not who you are.
Might I suggest you schedule your own photo shoot?
You don’t have to use the photos for anything else than your own pleasure and pride.
Why not give yourself the gift of feeling beautiful, playful and free?
What do you want your next phase to look like?
Let me know and remember to email me at hello@barbarachurchill.com with the subject Invite me to dinner! so you can get all the delicious details on my upcoming dinner event!
Now go forth, own your beautiful self and remember:
I believe in you!