Episode 59: Learn To Break The Rules

As children, we are taught there are rules that need to be followed and if they are not, you suffer the consequences.

Suffer. What if breaking the rules ends suffering? What then?

This week’s episode explores what, why and how to get comfortable breaking the rules so you can realize your dreams.

What You’ll Learn:

Why a “good student” mindset holds you back.
How the 4™ Derailers make you a rule follower.
Why processing discomfort is crucial to realizing your dreams.
The benefits of feeling discomfort.

Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:

Are you a rule follower that wants to break free, but doesn’t know where to start? Schedule your Discovery Call with me today and let’s create a partnership that releases you from the rules that no longer serve you.

Hey friends! I was going to say happy Spring, but where I live, we just got 8 inches of snow over the weekend. I can’t even with this weather.

I’m so ready to be done with all the white that surrounds me. I need color and want to see my little flowers start to poke their heads up out of the earth and grow so I can enjoy their beautiful color.

I want to plant my herbs and tomatoes and lettuce.

Are you a gardener? Do you plant veggies or flowers or a combo platter? I’d love to know.

And send me pictures of your garden! I’d love to see what you pour your hard work and heart into. It’s calming to me.

I’m not a master gardener by any stretch. My bestie was, though. She and I would plant together, and she taught me a lot. I think of her every time I put on my gardening gloves and open a new bag of dirt.

The thing I love about planting pots is that you can break the rules. You know how some homes you drive by have the same flowers in their window boxes every year – geraniums and vinca vines that spill over the box. You can count on them to be there year after year. They are beautiful, but I like to mix things up a bit.

That’s what she taught me – break the rules with plants. You can create a pot of strictly green plants – no flowers at all. She would make the most beautiful pots and combine plants that I never thought would go together but they did. It was fun to watch her.

She was like a great cook who knows which spices to use and loves to experiment. That’s what Sandi did. She experimented with plants and flowers and never worried about it.

This leads me to this week’s podcast topic.

Let’s talk About Breaking The Rules

I want to talk about breaking the rules.

When I say that, what happens in your body?

Did you get nervous or anxious and the mere mention of it?

If you have the “good student” mindset then I’m sure you got a little nervous. You want that A+.

If you want to do something different or get a different result you can’t continue to do the same things and expect things to change.

You can’t restrict your creativity or desire or drive and keep thinking in the same way. You must break free of those limitations. When you do that, it’s not going to be smooth sailing.

The 4™ Derailers make you a rule follower

Your Derailers™ are going to spring into action and do their best to keep you from growing.

“Pleaser” isn’t going to want to rock the boat

When you break the rules, the boat is gonna get rocked – big time. You need to be prepared for that.

“Perfectionist” is going to show up too

… and tell you how there’s a right way and a wrong way to break the rules.

Think about that.

Breaking the rules is about breaking rules – like the rule there’s a right way and a wrong wayt. That in itself is a rule that needs to be not just broken but blown up!

Remember, perfection isn’t about quality of work or doing your best. It’s all about fearing failure and worrying about what others will think.

“Prover” will chime in and tell you that’s not enough

You didn’t do it right, you have to do better, what’s wrong with you?

That self-bullying is the constant soundtrack in your mind. It’s relentless if you don’t manage it.

“Procrastinator” will also make a guest appearance

… and try to make you believe you don’t know what to do so don’t start anything yet.

Just start and see where it leads. Try new things. Keep experimenting and if it works, great.

If it doesn’t, then figure out why. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re building something that you’ve never built before whether it’s a relationship, a family dynamic or a side gig.

Try something and fail, then love yourself and be gracious.

Try something and have it work and really celebrate yourself.

This is something my clients really struggle with – celebrating themselves. It’s crucial for owning your gifts and talents and stepping into your authentic self.

Create that safe space for yourself and protect yourself from your own self-criticism.

Breaking the rules – what pops into your mind when I say that?

What stories do you tell yourself about that?
Do you feel anxious? Nervous? Excited? Afraid?
Ask yourself, “is it OK for me to break the rules?”

What answers do you get?

You need to process these questions so you can create a pathway to your dreams.

And what happens when we try new things?

We are out of our comfort zone and that creates discomfort.

We feel uncomfortable things.

Don’t let that stop you.

Process your feelings along the way. Don’t avoid them. Don’t indulge in them and let them take over.

It only takes 1 or 2 minutes to do to process these feelings.

Deep breathing, allow the feeling to flow through you and out of you. Allow yourself to feel it and then let it go.

This is not the same as telling yourself you shouldn’t feel a certain way or practicing toxic positivity. That’s not what I’m talking about.

This is about building self-trust with yourself.

Trusting that you can feel any emotion, sit with yourself and feel, and not let them knock you down for the count.

You process your feelings and show up. Our emotions have information for us. If we can’t process them, we can’t get to the information.

For example, anger has a lot of information in it, but if you don’t allow yourself to feel it, you won’t learn what it’s about. It could be about a social injustice, or a boundary that is crossed.

Your anger is a guide for the things you care about.

Women aren’t raised to show anger. We are socialized to be nice and giving and nurturing. So our anger may not feel comfortable to us. Allow yourself to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

When Breaking The Rules, Ask Yourself:

What is for me and what isn’t? Get curious.

What feels good about the life or career I have and what doesn’t?
Are there rules do I want to start breaking?
What boundaries do I want to start building with myself and with others?

The way you treat yourself must be modeled for others so they know what’s acceptable.

You’re gonna want to know what happens ahead of time. You’re gonna want a guarantee. That’s just not possible, right?

You get to experiment and trust your expertise. Trust who you are. Trust what you already know. Get curious. Be compassionate with yourself. Love yourself.

That’s the biggest rule you get to break.

Stop listening to the bully in your brain. She’s a liar.

Break the rules that your Derailers™ say you must follow.
Break the rules that society says you must follow.
Fill your own cup with love, validation and owning who you are.

This solidifies you to be your own person.

And when you’re in a group and you decide to stand up and say ‘no’, you’re going to feel discomfort because everyone else in the group is following those rules. You’re going to feel fear. You’re going to feel vulnerable.

You’ll develop the courage to stand up and say you’re no longer going to support that.

You get to:

Claim your own truth
Live in alignment with your core values and what you know and trust and believe is true for you
Find your voice in the sea of voices that you are exposed to every single day – and that’s incredibly powerful

The more you show up as you, the more you enjoy the act of living.

Ok my friends, go out and break some rules and let me know what they are. And until next time remember: I believe in you.