The Story You Tell Yourself Becomes Your Reality (Episode 75)
Have you ever found yourself daydreaming about a specific change you are longing to make, what it looks like, and how it will feel? Then suddenly your thoughts turn to how it won’t work or isn’t really going to happen or any number of stories your brain creates out of fear.
These stories keep you from having and becoming everything you were meant to be. And – you can change the narrative.
What You’ll Learn:
- We’ve reached a milestone – celebrate with me!
- Where these stories really come from
- The true benefits of having your own coach
- The areas in your life where your stories keep you stuck
- How to rewrite those stories to benefit you
If one of your stories is, “I have to do this on my own”- call that out. We all need a partner to help us see what we can’t.
Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:
Schedule your Discovery Call with me today so we can craft a plan that will put you back in the driver’s seat of your career and life.
The Story You Tell Yourself (Transcript)
You are listening to episode 75 of Your Next Phase Podcast. The one where I talk about the stories we tell ourselves – and how to stop believing the ones that are keeping you stuck.
We are on Episode 75 y’all and we’re going to start another series for the month of October on the stories we tell ourselves that hold us back from doing what we want or becoming who we are meant to be.
This podcast is all about what you need to shift to be successful in your next phase.
I’ve had many next phases in my life, so I know all about this.
I am moving to yet another next phase in my own life. It can be so exciting. And sometimes it can be scary, too. Often times it’s both at the same time, right?
Have you ever found yourself daydreaming about a specific change you are longing to make, what it looks like, how it will feel? And then suddenly your thoughts turn to how it won’t work or isn’t really going to happen or any number of stories your brain creates out of fear.
We talked about how to make fear your friend in Episode 74 and I created a new acronym for it. Go listen to that if you haven’t already. It’s going to help you with this 4-part series.
Stop telling Yourself Stories That Keep You Stuck
So the first thing you need to do, and I do mean NEED to do in order to begin the journey to your next phase is this: Stop telling yourself stories that keep you stuck.
I know this sounds pretty elementary and yet so many of us humans do it.
I coach incredibly smart female leaders and entrepreneurs and they do it, so we’re all in good company. But I want you to shift out of that.
Example: Think of it like a road trip
I love road trips and used to take them as a kid and continued it with my own family. They are so fun.
But you need to remember to watch your tank and gas up when the time comes. Plus you need to pay attention to what you’re putting in your tank, right?
You won’t fill it with diesel if it takes unleaded – you just wouldn’t do that.
You pay attention because if you don’t you’ll wreck your car.
It’s the same with your brain.
You want to stop the stories that don’t support you because you’ll never be able to get where you want to go.
I have to call myself on this, too. The stories I’ve told myself are so ingrained and have been there for so long that they seem true.
I know you have experienced this, too. This doesn’t go away, because we are human and have human brains that are naturally geared toward seeing negativity and keeping us safe.
While I’m good at catching myself pretty quickly when I notice them, I still can’t see all of my stories because they’ve been riding shotgun with me for so long and are subconscious.
Coaching Can Help reframe these Stories
This is also why I have a coach at all times because I can’t possibly see all the subconscious shit thinking. Neither can you.
We have to have someone else point it out to us, someone who isn’t in our brain and can be neutral. It’s hard to see it yourself when you’re in the chaos, the drama of fear, dysfunction, childhood trauma and all the beliefs that are mixed in there.
The fear of being seen. The judgment of what they will think. The self-doubt.
It’s so important to have that outside person to help you see all of it. I highly recommend that you have a call with me this month so you can get the support that is crucial.
If a small intimate group discussion is something that appeals to you, please let me know by emailing me at hello@barbarachurchill.com with the subject line “Invite me to dinner!” and I’ll add your name to the list of women in the Twin Cities area who want to gather for great food and fantastic conversation and connection.
3 Types of Stories That Keep You Stuck
There are some that are like an umbrella category that cover many smaller stories.
Time Stories
I’ve heard so many stories around time:
- I’m starting too late
- I’m too old
- I’m too young
- The market is already saturated
- I should have done this before I had kids
- I don’t have time
Then there’s the story, “I’m so busy”, right?
This is something that is definitely a US thing in our culture – the corporate space for sure. It’s almost like a contest – who’s busier – people who work in corporate or moms? It’s almost like a badge of honor.
We hear this from both groups:
- I’m so busy
- I’m exhausted
These two beliefs will hold you back guaranteed. If you keep repeating these to yourself, you end up on a hamster wheel of thinking and you will always feel exhausted.
Money Stories
Then there are money stories.
Many of these come from your childhood. They weren’t yours to begin with. Your parents, grandparents and other authority figures in your life taught you THEIR stories and of course, you believed them. We all did.
Maybe you think money is scarce and you have to hang onto every penny you have, so you don’t treat yourself to massages or girls’ trips or personal development.
Or maybe you don’t respect money and spend it as fast as you make it. My mom was like that. I remember she actually thought that as long as she had checks in the checkbook, there was money there. Seriously. I can’t make this shit up.
Or you think you don’t deserve to spend it on yourself because you should spend it on your kids, or parents, or need a new car or…
All of these are excuses and ways to stay stuck.
The Story Of Not Believing In Yourself
The last one is this: I don’t believe I can do it.
Here’s what that looks like:
- I don’t have what it takes
- I need more certifications or a higher degree
- I need to be more well-spoken
- I’m not good at tech
- I’m not a good public speaker
The list goes on and on.
I know you experience this and you know people that do, too.
Share this podcast with them on your social media or email it to them.
This series is going to help with all the things that you deal with that hold you back.
So if you know people in sales or medicine or law – share it with them.
If you know entrepreneurs – share it with them.
If you know leaders in the corporate space – share it with them.
What do we do about this?
1. Become Aware of Your Thoughts
Start to notice what your brain is dishing up. Become self-aware of what your thoughts are and question their validity and usefulness.
And that word “usefulness” is key.
If it’s not useful, stop thinking it. If it doesn’t serve you and won’t catapult you to your next phase, you need to replace that thinking with other thoughts that will.
Just think of how much energy you exert when you are in your spin of thinking how busy you are and how exhausted you are. No wonder you’re exhausted. It’s all an energy suck.
It’s all the same for time, busyness and money.
2. Ask For Help
Many of my clients have a difficult time asking for help.
They either think it will show others that they aren’t as smart or aren’t competent. Or they have some skewed idea that it’s about being independent and they don’t “need” anyone’s help.
Well, how’s that working for you?
I used to be this way for sure. Do it all. Don’t ask for help.
You’ll be seen as an amazing woman, a superwoman if you will. I got sucked into that for many years and my Perfectionist Derailer™ was in full gear.
3. Rewrite Your Stories
The next thing I want you to commit to doing is rewrite some of these stories to what you want – and make it believable. That is crucial.
It has to be believable or your brain will reject it. You don’t need any more drama in your head, right? No more ping pong matches between negative and positive.
Final Thoughts
I’d love to hear that new story so please feel free to DM me on IG or LinkedIn and share it.
You have to know what it’s costing you to stay where you are – energetically, mentally, physically, financially and spiritually.
If it keeps you from doing what you dream of doing or being – that cost is too high.
I know this may seem large to you and I want you to know you don’t have to do this alone.
Having a partner that holds you accountable to your dreams will guarantee you make them a reality. Schedule a call with me to find the support you need. We have 3 months left of 2023 – what do you want them to look like?
Alright, my friends. Get crackin’ on those new stories and until next time, remember:
I believe in you.