Episode 56: Why Women Need To Rest
Women take care of everyone else, but they rarely take care of themselves when they are sick. Are you one of them? I get it. I used to be one, too.
Women just push through and exhaust themselves when they are sick all in the name of not wanting to bother others or feeling like they have to do the work – no one else can.
It’s time to change how we treat ourselves, especially when we are ill. Rest is the magic pill you’re looking for. It is what fills your tank and keeps you healthy.
What You’ll Learn:
- Stop wearing exhaustion as a badge of honor.
- Why taking time to heal is essential to your goals – and values.
- One tip that will make you ready to handle it when you do get sick.
- How not honoring yourself spreads into all areas of your life.
Listen to the episode above or stream it on your favorite podcast app:
It’s time you prioritized your health and well-being. It’s time you nurtured yourself and allowed others to nurture you.
One of the greatest gifts is allowing yourself to receive. I invite you to schedule a Discovery Call with me today if this concept has you feeling anxious. You can take care of you and be successful. I promise.
Episode 56: Why Women Need To Rest (Transcript)
I usually record this podcast on Thursdays but for this episode, I had conflicts so Saturday was my day to get this done.
However, when I woke up Saturday morning, I felt like I hadn’t slept a wink. I was exhausted and I didn’t have much energy. I stayed in my pajamas for the entire morning and didn’t do much of anything.
I noticed Ursula – my negative and critical voice in my head tell me all the things I should be doing and how I was going to be behind and the other nonsense that she usually comes up with, so I sent her away.
She wasn’t adding any value to my brain. I decided not to push myself to do anything and pretty much laid around all day.
I listened to my body and what it needed. This wasn’t always the case with me, though. I used to push myself and kept going even when I had a high fever and was really sick.
I know I’m not alone in that, too.
We are bad at letting ourselves rest
I was scrolling on social media the other day and came across a post of a colleague of mine letting the world know that she had the flu bug that was going around and how awful she felt.
In her words, she could only hold herself together for 2 hours tops. Then she wrote a PSA saying to use masks and hand sanitizer.
My first reaction to this was feeling bad for her and hoping she healed soon.
My second reaction, which came lightning quick was – why are you trying to hold it together? You’re really sick. Rest. Take care of yourself or better yet, let your husband do that. Allow him and others to take care of you.
Later in the week, I was talking with one of my amazing clients and she mentioned she didn’t feel well. She thought she might have strep. I asked if she had a fever and she told me she did.
Then I asked if she was getting any rest. She said she was trying to get some rest. When I asked what “trying” to rest looks like she proceeded to tell me she’d done the laundry from the trip she just returned from, cleaned the kitchen and made the beds and was planning to make some changes to her slide deck for an upcoming presentation.
I paused and asked her where the “resting” part was in that agenda.
We both had a good chuckle, but I was serious.
- Where was the resting?
- When was she going to prioritize her own health and well-being?
We, women, aren’t taught that taking a needed break to heal ourselves is acceptable.
- Who will take care of the kids?
- Who will make the meals or do school drop off or help with homework or do the laundry?
Who indeed.
You aren’t the only person in your household who can do these tasks. And if you live alone, who cares who does all that? It can wait. You can phone a friend and ask them to help out or a sibling or your neighbor.
And notice how quickly your brain tells you that is not possible because you don’t want to bother anyone. You don’t want to make more work for them. You can do it on your own.
Notice how you’re shrinking and diminishing your needs in the process.
When you’re feeling ill or not quite yourself, what do you do?
Do you notice it, slow down, and clear your calendar for the afternoon? Do you make yourself a cup of hot tea and curl up with a blanket to take a rest?
I knew the answer before I asked the question.
The answer is a big fat “No” of course.
Women don’t take care of themselves. They take care of everyone else. That’s what we’re socialized to do from the time we enter the world.
The result is women who are overworked and burned out. And to help cope with these feelings and the exhaustion that comes with it, women often find themselves turning to outside sources to help them relax – food and alcohol are the most common.
When these things become a necessary part of your day is when it can turn into a problem.
Why Don’t We Take Good Care Of Ourselves?
Why is it that women don’t take good care of themselves when they are sick and continue to push through?
It’s part societal pressure and part the stories we tell ourselves.
One of my clients who has small children told me that she unknowingly had a very bad bout of bronchitis and still went to work every day, working late most evenings.
One of her kids was sick so she took him to the doctor because he was coughing a lot.
The pediatrician asked her how long she had been ill and finally had an ER doctor come to examine her. Instead of being relieved to know what she had, she began beating herself up for not being able to handle this better.
That’s the Perfectionist Derailer™ coming forward – a byproduct of our “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” culture that has attached a person’s worthiness to their ability to act entirely independent of anyone else.
Women are judged by their resourcefulness and capacity for self-sacrifice, regardless of the personal cost. How ridiculous is that!
The image of the perfect woman is that they sacrifice themselves in totality for their families or work and this is deeply engrained in our culture and taught in our homes – even if you grew up in a progressive household.
We Ignore Our Own Needs
So, we women ignore our needs in the name of perceived perfection, even if it literally makes us sick.
We are applauded for our selflessness over and over again when we “power through” until it becomes a habit.
We embrace our sacrifice
We embrace — even celebrate — our sacrifice because it allows us to hide the fact that we cannot live up to unrealistic expectations.
Perfection is the goal, and honestly saying, ‘I can’t do it,’ let alone, ‘I don’t want to do it,’ is too anxiety-inducing because it threatens to unmask our vulnerability. Saying these things means we aren’t what we imagined to be ideal, and that’s scary.
I am calling BS on all of this.
It’s time we learn to take care of ourselves – period.
No – let me correct that…
It’s time we DECIDE to take care of ourselves.
We already know what to do because we do it for everyone else. We need to decide to do it for ourselves.
It’s the old “put your oxygen mask on first” thing. You know you can’t give from an empty cup – it just doesn’t work.
When you are feeling an illness coming on it’s time for you to gather your supplies and take a day or two off.
Clear your work schedule. Don’t work from home. They can handle whatever comes up, they really can.
Watch for the stories your brain is going to tell you.
Stories like:
- I need to handle this because no one else can.
- I don’t do well in clutter so I’ll just clean this up so I can rest.
- I’m not a good … (wife, mother, leader, daughter…) if I take time away from them.
- I should be able to get through this – it’s just a cold.
Tell your family you are sick and need extra nurturing
…And tell them what that looks like for you. It may be different than what it looks like for me.
I have friends who want to be left alone when they are sick. They just want to sleep and be alone in their misery. I personally like to have my meals made and tea brought to me on a bed tray. I like tissues and medications on my nightstand, so I have everything I need.
You get to choose what works best for you and you get to make those requests.
It’s not a failure to ask for help when you need it. It’s not a black mark on your character to say you need to rest and take care of yourself.
There’s no gold medal for being a woman who always cares for others but never for herself.
I implore you to begin to practice taking care of yourself.
Do it in little bites if it feels more doable.
- Create a nurture kit for yourself that has everything you want in it so that when you do get sick – and you will – you’re ready for it.
- Have a go-to basket that has a favorite book, medications, tissues, thermometer, a coloring book and markers or crayons, your favorite tea and honey and a list of foods that you want to have someone make you that sound good to you.
For example, I like a really good chicken soup with lots of veggies and chicken. I like toast, but since I’m gluten free, I ask for a gf waffle instead. I like Jello and I’m pretty particular on what flavor, so I list those as well. Ginger ale. Popsicles. Ice cream.
All the things that are comfort foods or would help a sore throat or fever – that’s what I ask for.
Does this sound like what you had when you were a little kid? Yep it does.
Why do you suppose it’s so comforting?
It’s because that’s what you received when you were a child and got sick. You were nurtured and cared for. Just because you’re a grown-up doesn’t mean you don’t need that anymore.
I would say you need it even more now because of all the pressure you put on yourself and the demands on your time.
That little child is still within you and needs to be cared for.
What are your favorite things to have when you’re under the weather? What will you put in your Nurture Basket to prepare for the next time you get sick? I’d love to know. Send me an email at hello@barbarachurchill.com and tell me all the things.
How You Do One Thing Is How You Do Everything
Have you heard the phrase, “how you do one thing is how you do everything”?
I have and there’s truth in it.
How you care for yourself when you’re ill is a good indicator of how you care for yourself – or not – in life. When you put your health last, you probably don’t value yourself in other areas.
- Do you speak up in important meetings at work?
- Are you used to setting boundaries when you feel one of your values is being stepped on?
- Are you someone who avoids conflict at all costs?
- Do you say ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’?
When you don’t honor yourself in one area of your life, that habit spreads into other areas, too. I know because I’ve experienced this myself and I see it in my clients.
I’ve helped thousands of women learn to prioritize their needs and feel good about it rather than selfish, which is what our culture tells us.
Final Thoughts
It’s not selfish to put your needs at the top of your list- particularly when your health is at risk. It’s a must. Are you curious how you could get to be like them? Schedule a Discovery Call with me today. It’s that simple.
It’s time you prioritized your health and well-being. It’s time you nurtured yourself and allowed others to nurture you. One of the greatest gifts is allowing yourself to receive.
I invite you to receive this podcast, the suggestions I’ve made, and all the love I’m sending your way and let it really sink in. I’m inviting you to receive help and allow yourself to feel how amazing that feels.
You are worth taking great care of my friend. You are beautiful. You are brilliant. You are so deserving of all things loving.
Be well and remember: I believe in you.